"Everything all right?" she asked.
"Yeah. It was just someone from LA. I've been silent lately; they wanted to make sure I was okay," I said vaguely. It felt horrible lying to Abby, but I had to do it. I wasn't going to tell her that my ex-wife thought I was using her, or that, even worse, I thought I was using her, too.
I couldn't wait to get out of there. Abby didn't want anything for dessert, so we were able to leave quickly. She tried to talk to me during the ride back, but stopped when she noticed I wasn't really in a chatty mood. I was mad. If Kirsten hadn't called me, I wouldn't be thinking about this shit. I wouldn't be on a date with a beautiful girl trying to think of ways to let her down easy.
Why'd Abby tell me to take the call? Why did I fucking take the call? I could have turned the phone off. I could have just told her that we were on a date and I wasn't going to let someone interrupt us. It was done now. I couldn't pretend it hadn't happened. I couldn't just unhear what had been said. It wouldn't stop being true even if I chose to ignore it.
When we got back to the hotel, we went to my suite just like we had night after night before that. She walked right into the bedroom because that was where we had been sleeping together and took her heels off.
"That was amazing, Nate; thank you so much," I heard her say, following her into the bedroom. I nodded.
"I'm glad you had a good time."
"Is everything okay? How are you feeling?" It was routine at that point. She'd check in with me multiple times a day or when she felt I was off to make sure my symptoms weren't too bad.
"I'm fine. Just tired."
"Oh, well, that's too bad," she said walking over to me. She put a hand on my chest and another on my shoulder, running it down my arm. "I was hoping we could stay up a little while." She leaned in and kissed me.
"We shouldn't," I said. She looked up at me.
"Are you feeling sick?"
"No, Abby. I mean we need to stop. I think it would be better if you went back to work."
"My shift is over today. I don't have to leave until... Oh," she said, realizing what I meant.
"Yeah."
She frowned a little and took a few steps back. "Did I do something?"
"I've kept you here long enough," I said, not really answering her question. "I know my way around the island, and I'm clean. You can leave." I saw something flicker in her eyes when I said that and wanted to take it back.
"If that's the way you feel," she said quietly. She bent down and put her heels back on. "Can I ask why?"
"We have no reason to spend all this time together anymore."
"All this time together? You asked my boss whether you could have me as your personal guide. You asked me to stay here with you, and now it's too much?"
"It's enough. I haven't used in days. That's what you wanted to do, right? Make sure I stopped?"
"It's easiest to relapse while you're still detoxing," she protested.
"And since I know that, I know it won't happen to me."
"Are you serious? Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what? You were helping me get off my drugs and now I'm off. I don't need you anymore."
I saw how hard that one hit her. She was speechless before she walked past me and grabbed her bag, heading for the door. Good, if she's upset, she won't come looking for me again, I thought. I hated it, but leading her on was worse. This way, she would leave and hate me enough not to come back.
"I'll tell Joseph tomorrow that you've had a change of heart," she said, opening the door.
"Don't bother. I will." She looked over her shoulder at me.
"I wish you'd tell me what I did so I could apologize," she said.
"If I did, would you shut up and leave already?" I snapped. She glared at me and stormed out of the room, closing the door loudly behind her. "Fuck," I said going back into the bedroom. I got to the bed and fell onto it backward. "Fuck!"