I nod, swallowing past the knot in my throat, and wrap my arms around her as I start to cry again. What I had with Jagger was casual, we said that from the beginning, but when I replay what I saw in that video I feel like I’m being ripped apart inside. What Lawrence did hurt and hurt even more because he cheated with Crystal, who I thought was my friend. When I realized he’d cheated multiple times with different women, I felt like crap and while I wondered what was wrong with me, it didn’t feel like this. Maybe it’s because it happened with back-to-back guys. Maybe it’s because I trusted Jagger in a way I didn’t trust Lawrence, because Jagger was vocal about his disgust for cheating, because I know Jagger’s parents and know they raised him better than this.
“Maybe he thought you weren’t serious about him?” Marissa asks, her voice still soft. “Maybe you can still work this out.”
“We agreed to not sleep with other people.” I wipe my tears and take a deep breath as I pull back from my sister and let go. “But I guess we were done.” I take another really deep breath. It felt like we may have been done when I saw him earlier, and when he didn’t make it a point to talk to me this week, but I didn’t expect to find out like this.
“Do you want me to finish up here? I can get Patrick to come in,” Marissa says.
“I’m fine.” I shake my head. “Thank you.”
“Come to my apartment,” Misty says. “After work, come straight to my place. I’ll go get some of your things while you’re here so you don’t even have to see him for now.”
I nod gratefully and let my sister do this for me. I hate asking for help, but I’m tired of feeling alone.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Jo
Instead of cleaning Dad’s practice after hours, I manage to convince him to let me go in at five in the morning. It’s either that or risk running into Jagger and I just can’t right now. When I’m leaving, feeling spent from the lack of sleep and the early cleaning, I turn the key to turn on my car and am met with a stalling sound. Again, I turn the key, and again, the car sounds like it’s having a coughing fit. I bang my head against the headrest. Of course. Of course the car would break down on me now. I scroll through my phone, trying to figure out who to call. I finally settle on my mom. Dad’s in surgery today, otherwise, I’d wait for him. Misty’s probably getting ready for class. Mom’s probably getting out of her morning Pilates class, which is the main reason I know she’ll be able to make it here the fastest. When she pulls up, parking her G Wagon beside me, I break down in tears. It’s the exhaustion. I know it is, but still.
“Oh, sweetie.” Mom runs over and wraps her arms around me. “I didn’t know this car would give you this many problems.”
“It’s the first time it happened.” I wipe my tears. “I’m just tired.”
“You worked a late shift last night,” she says, pulling away to take her phone out and call AAA.
I realize I could have done it myself, but it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to be alone anyway. Once she’s done on the phone, she tells me to get in her car and we start driving.
“What’s wrong?” she asks. “Don’t tell me it’s just exhaustion. I can see that something else is wrong.”
“Nothing.” I lean my head against the window. “I really am just tired.”
I’m tired and tired of the bullshit.
She’s quiet for a moment. “Why don’t you stay over on Thursday so we can get an early start on our trip?”
“I don’t think I want to go.” I glance over at her.
“You’re going.” She shoots me a look. “I told you to tell me with time, so now you have to go. You need to learn that your words mean something and when you say you’re going to do something you need to follow through.”
“Fine. I’ll go.” I cross my arms, feeling like the child she sees me as.
“Where do I take you?” she asks suddenly. “Home? Campus?”
“Oh.” I sit up straight. “Campus.”
“I can’t believe you haven’t invited me over.”
“Mom, we haven’t even been on speaking terms.”
“Until you need something.” She shoots me another look.
“Well, I’m so sorry for inconveniencing you today, Mother. I’ll note not to call you next time.” I lean against the headrest and close my eyes.
“I didn’t mean for you to take it like that,” she says quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine.” I open my eyes and look at her, hating the sting I feel in them. “I just wish you guys would have given me some credit.”