I broke apart, shattering into a thousand tiny pieces as my release crashed through me with such force that a growl rumbled from his chest. His arms tightened around me. One more deep thrust, and he came, shouting my name. Panting and slick with a fine sheen of sweat, he brought us both to the bed. The blanket scratched my skin, but I was sated, boneless, and so damn relieved to be alive that I couldn’t actually worry about the irritation of the material. I didn’t know how long we stayed where we were, me on my belly, and Casteel lying half on me, but the sensation of his weight enthralled me, as did his wildly beating heart against my back.
Sometime later, I once more ended up seated in his embrace, cradled against him. We were at the head of the narrow bed now. I didn’t remember how we’d even gotten there, but he held me as he dragged a trembling hand over my head and through my hair. We stayed that way for so long—hours, it seemed.
“How are you feeling?” Casteel asked, his voice rough. “Does anything hurt?”
I gave a small shake of my head. “Not really.” There were aches, but they were nothing. “I…I don’t understand. I was dying.” Lifting my head, I looked down at my chest as I scooped the tangled strands of my hair to the side. I saw shiny, pink skin in the shape of a rough circle between my breasts. The bolt had gone through me. “And you…you took my blood until I felt my heart fail and then gave me yours.”
“I did.” He pressed his fingers just below the barely noticeable injury, and a wave of awareness skittered through me. “I couldn’t let you go. I wouldn’t.”
My gaze flew to his, but he was staring at the wound, his brow furrowed. “But I’m not in bloodlust—well, I was. I was so hungry. I’ve never felt that hungry before.” I swallowed hard, wanting to forget what that had felt like. Wanting to forget that Casteel had experienced that over and over for decades. How had he found himself? I was in awe of him, and I was in love with him.
I love you. Those words repeated themselves over and over in my mind—words that were tattooed on my skin and carved into my bones. What I felt for him was far more powerful than words, but words were important. Of all people, I knew the power of speaking up, of being able to do so honestly and openly without hesitation. I knew the importance of not holding back now because when I’d lain there in those ruins, with my blood leaking out of my body, I’d never thought I would have the chance to say those words to him.
My fingers curled around his side as I met his gaze once more. “I love you.”
Casteel’s hand halted its movements under my hair and halfway up my back. “What?” he whispered. His eyes had widened slightly, and his pupils were dilated a little. I could see his surprise and felt it like a rush of cold air against my skin. Why did he seem so astonished? He had to know.
But Casteel couldn’t read emotions like I could. I had told him how he made me feel and showed it when I held the blade to my throat during the battle at Spessa’s End—more than ready to end my life if it meant saving his. But I’d never said the words.
And I needed to. Desperately.
I pressed the tips of my fingers against his cheek as I drew in a shallow breath. “I love you, Casteel,” I said. His chest stilled against mine and then rose sharply. “I love—”
Casteel kissed me, his lips moving over mine so gently, so tenderly. It was a sweet and slow kiss as if it were the very first time our lips had ever come together, as if he were learning the shape and feel of my mouth against his. He shuddered, and a wave of tears reached my eyes.
He drew back enough that his forehead rested against mine. “I didn’t…” He cleared his throat as I ran my fingers along his jaw. “I mean, I…I thought you did. I believed that—or maybe I needed to believe it—but I don’t think I really knew.” His voice roughened again as he reached between us, wiping away a tear that had escaped. A moment passed, and his chest rose with a sharp breath. All the many masks Casteel wore cracked and fell away then, as they had in the ruins when he’d thrown his head back and screamed. “I knew you cared for me. But love? I just didn’t know if you could after…everything. I wouldn’t have blamed you if you were unable to feel that for me. Not after what—”