There were few things that had the power to bother her too much when she had a baby in her arms. Babies were calming, reminders that innocence existed in the world. A baby was also a reminder of what Summer ached for.
Raeg’s and Falcon’s babies.
She would have loved having their babies, watching the two men raise the children they gave her. This would be worth fighting for, she thought. A home, someone who loved them, children. Surely men weren’t so different from women in that regard?
Or perhaps it was Raeg and Falcon who were different.
What could be so terrible that they couldn’t risk taking a chance on happiness? Taking a chance on her.
They wanted to. She’d heard it in Raeg’s voice, and she’d seen it more than once in Falcon’s eyes. They wanted to take that chance, wanted things they wouldn’t allow themselves
to have, and they refused to reach out for it.
Was it her? They could care about her, but not love her? Men regretted leaving women who loved them, women they knew would be hurt worse because their lovers didn’t love them as well. At least, that was what Caleb had told her years ago. He’d warned her that trying to hold onto a man who didn’t love her enough to push past his own shortcomings was only asking for more pain.
Had he somehow known what she felt for Raeg and Falcon and knew that they wouldn’t love her? What did he know about them that she didn’t, she suddenly wondered? Her brothers weren’t upset with Raeg and Falcon, even knowing their sister was sleeping with both men—even her father wasn’t really as outraged as he should have been.
She frowned at that realization, wondering why she hadn’t picked up on it before. They knew her. They knew she wouldn’t be taking this risk with them if she wasn’t in far too deep emotionally. And she was definitely in far too deep.
She might even be drowning in it.
Closing her eyes, she continued to hum the familiar lullaby she remembered from her childhood.
Little Dawn Rose was lucky, she thought. Just as lucky as any other child who had been born into the family.
Summer’s parents, her momma’s sisters and her momma’s two best friends since childhood all lived close to one another, and sometimes it seemed everyone in the family was raising each other’s children. Babysitters were always plentiful; watching eyes and steady hands were always there as protection.
Her momma’s family came from a long line of paranoid government agents and Special Forces soldiers with a few less-than-savory relations thrown in. Somehow, that paranoia worked for them though, and over the generations had honed rowdy, fun-loving, ready-to-fight-or-play individuals who may not be easy to live with but were always easy to love.
A grin tugged at her lips at that thought.
Well, she herself might not be so easy to love, except for her family. She’d grown to be too independent, her momma and daddy both complained. And they were probably right. They seemed to know their children rather well after all.
She wanted to look back one day and realize that she knew her own children that way, knew they were rowdy, independent, fun-loving, and compassionate. She wanted to know that when that day came, she wouldn’t be alone in that realization, or in her memories. She wanted to share them with the father of her children and know she wasn’t alone in the world or in the protection of her babies.
The world wasn’t a kind place now, not that it had ever been, she knew, but children shouldn’t ever have to know that.
She’d considered telling her momma that she wouldn’t be attending the parties, that she couldn’t possibly consider life with another man at this point, but as she held her cousin’s child, that desperate ache building inside her overrode the decision.
It wouldn’t happen soon—that she knew. It would take a while to stop hurting with the ragged, sharp pain of losing someone she loved. She’d find a way though. She didn’t want to live her life alone. She didn’t want to be alone. And damn it, if they didn’t want to give her babies, then she would find someone who would.
She might not marry—that part was harder to consider. Her baby would have uncles though, cousins, family. Her child wouldn’t lack love, she’d see to that.
Just a father.
As that thought went through her mind, the sound of the back door opening quietly had her fighting back tears that otherwise might have fallen.
“There you are, you baby snatcher.” The amused accusation had her eyes opening as she blinked back the tears and stared up at her cousin with a mock glare.
“You go have another one, and I’ll just keep this li’l bit,” Summer informed her. “You can have her back when she’s so completely spoiled she’s ruined.”
Which would be just about never, Summer thought.
“Well, that’s already happened.” Calista rolled her eyes in amusement. “I knew I should have never moved in with my parents while Luther’s overseas. They sneak her out of her crib and sleep with her between them. I swear, Luther’s gonna have a fit when he comes home on leave and learns his little girl can’t sleep in that crib he special made for her.”
Summer could only shake her head at her cousin. “Calista, sweetie, Luther won’t let this little angel sleep outside his sight, I have news for you. She’ll be sleeping between her own parents then.”
Relenting, she let the baby’s mother ease her into her own arms where she cuddled the sleeping infant against her breasts.