Savvy looks uncomfortable. “Yes, but—”
“You were with him when he was engaged to her?” This is sounding worse and worse.
“That’s just it. He wasn’t actually engaged to her. It was an arranged kind of thing, something their parents had planned when they were young that neither cared enough about to publicly put a stop to, even though they knew they didn’t have feelings for each other. When Garrett was rescued, though, I think he decided he wanted a clean slate. He wanted to bow out of all the fake stuff from before and—”
She breaks off, and how can I blame her? Garrett’s and my whole “relationship” is a fake stunt meant to garner positive attention from the press and put pressure on his father. Which is pretty much the opposite of genuine, but I guess he’s not one to quibble when the throne is on the line.
Still, though it’s technically none of my business and I shouldn’t care one way or the other, I’m reeling from this sudden influx of information. I knew that Garrett was engaged before, to some daughter of Wildemarian nobility, but since she was out of his life before I met him, I haven’t given her much thought. But to find out that he dated Savvy? That he kept her a secret? And that she’s now set to marry his brother? It’s like every soap opera about the rich and famous rolled into one.
Which feels a little sleazy, if I’m being honest. More, it makes me feel sleazy and I hate that. I’ve spent most of my adult life trying to outrun the feeling, trying to forget what it was like to be my father’s dirty little extramarital secret.
“So, you were okay with being Garrett’s secret?” The words came out before I could stop them and instantly I wish I could call them back. They sound way ruder than I intended, way more questioning than I have a right to be considering my role in this whole ov
erblown production.
“I wasn’t, actually. It’s just that, at the time, I didn’t feel I had much of a choice. I wanted to be with Garrett and there was no way that could happen publicly. Not when there was a chance that it might somehow harm Wildemar. So…”
“So, he kept you hidden.” I don’t know whether I’m angry or horrified. Probably a little of both. His relationship with Savvy was real and he kept her his dirty little secret. His relationship with Felicity—and now with me—is fake, and the whole world gets to see it.
It feels so much like my father’s relationship with my mother that my stomach rolls a little sickly.
Some of what I’m feeling must be showing on my face, because Savvy suddenly turns white. “Garrett’s a good guy, Lola. He is. What he’s done, he’s done because Wildemar demands it of him. I never held it against him that we couldn’t be together publicly, and I never would. The duty he has…it’s more than most normal people could even imagine.”
“Kian looks like he’s managed pretty well.”
She laughs. “Kian’s a mess, actually. He’s so anxious for Garrett to be first in line for the throne again that he’ll do literally anything to make it happen, including—”
“Including setting up this whole thing with me.” There’s no malice in my words. After all, I’ve known from the beginning that this whole public relationship thing was Kian’s idea. Without his interference, Garrett and I would have parted company after that first night and that would have been that. My merch wouldn’t be selling faster than I can list it right now, but at least I’d be able to walk down the street without security guards. My every move wouldn’t be documented in the pages of tabloids around the world. And I wouldn’t be falling in love with a man whose first duty will always be to his country, a man whose duty will never let him see me as more than a stepping-stone to the throne.
The last thought sneaks in unbidden, its revelation enough to have me sitting down hard on the side of the bed.
How could I be such an idiot?
How could I be stupid enough to fall in love with a man who will always, always put his love for his country above his feelings for me?
I can’t really be that masochistic, can I?
Except I keep thinking about this afternoon in the park. Keep thinking about how I melted when he kissed me. How, for a moment, I would have let him do anything to me—even in the middle of that park, with the reporters barely held at bay.
He was the one who stopped. To protect me—to protect us—I thought. But now I’m not so sure. Now I can’t help wondering how much of what’s been going on between us is real and how much is just part of the act.
I mean, like Savvy, I get it. I understand why Garrett has to do what he does. I understand that his duty is to his country and that he has to do what is best for Wildemar above all else.
Besides, it’s not like he lied to me, not like he pretended this was anything more than a PR opportunity to get him back on the throne. Hell, that’s why I agreed, because God knows, I have no interest in actually being queen. No interest in being anything but the loud and a little eccentric owner of Va Voom Vintage.
Yet, even knowing all that, it still hurts to know to what lengths Garrett will go to secure the throne. Hurts even more to know that he—like my father—is the type to want his cake and want to eat it, too. The pain I feel is not because he wants the throne. He’s never pretended for a second that he didn’t. It’s because he wanted Savvy, too, and instead of choosing between her and the throne, he lied and snuck around in order to try to have both.
And that…that’s just not okay. Own who you are. Own what you want. But don’t use people and don’t string them along, making them think they matter when they don’t.
My whole life has been about being as authentic as I can possibly be, about being the woman I want to be and living the life I want to live. Even this publicity stunt, while fake, made sense to me, because it meant that I was helping Garrett get the life he so desperately wants. But to find out now that Garrett is just like my father, that he cares more about what something looks like than what it really is?
It’s hard to swallow and even harder to accept.
“Hey. You okay?” Savvy asks, settling down beside me on the bed. “I didn’t mean to freak you out.”
I shrug. “It’s nothing I didn’t need to know.”
“Yeah, but I feel like you’re drawing all the wrong conclusions.”