“It’s complicated.” I shake my head. “I love her, I want her, but I can’t pretend this pregnancy doesn’t change anything. I don’t know if I can raise another man’s kid.”
“Seems like you’re doing a pretty good job of it with Abi.”
“It would be different this time. Knowing out the gate . . . Would I treat the child differently? Would I always favor Abi and scar the other kid for life?”
“Is that really what you’re worried about?”
“I don’t know. I’m fucked up about this right now, and that’s the most honest answer I can give you. I know I’m the worst kind of hypocrite. I hate the idea of her having his baby, but I have no idea how to let her go.”
Carter gives me a sad smile. “But you’re a fucking adult, so you either have to learn to be okay with the first or figure out the second.”
“She’s not going to give me a chance to be okay with anything. I found out by accident, and I’d barely processed it before she walked away.”
“Maybe after the last two times, she’s having trouble believing that this time you would choose her.” He pushes an envelope across the table. “She asked Teagan to give this to you. I offered to deliver it.”
Carter leaves, and I don’t even say goodbye. I stare at the envelope, at my name written in Shayleigh’s loopy script on the front. I don’t know how long I sit there like a coward before I find the courage to open it.
Shay’s a writer, a fucking genius with words, so I expected a long letter. Instead, I get two sentences.
I never blamed you for choosing Abi. Even when it hurt, I always loved that about you.
Shay
Molly and Brayden’s wedding isn’t a big or formal enough affair to warrant a rehearsal, but the couple decided they still wanted to do the traditional “rehearsal dinner”—just to spread out the festivities a little.
We hired Nic’s sister to watch all the kids and met up at Jackson Brews for dinner, and I found myself the only Jackson sibling without a date. Everyone is settling down and settling in. Hell, none of my brothers have ever been as happy as they all are right now. And me? My life is a deck of cards and I’ve just stepped into an endless game of fifty-two pickup, but knowing my brothers are so happy makes me feel a little steadier, though my own future is foggy at the moment.
Despite the meal being over, no one seems in a rush to go. I totally understand why my family is lingering, but I just got off a plane an hour before the meal, so between jet lag and first-trimester exhaustion, my bed is calling my name.
I tap Mom’s arm. “I’m going to head out.”
She squeezes my hand. “We didn’t get a chance to talk about your interview. Do you like the school?”
I’m flooded with adoration for this woman. She didn’t just birth me. She raised me and loved me and showed me what it means to be a mom. Because of her, I know I’m going to do all right by this baby. “The campus was beautiful, and I think the interview went well. They’re going to make a decision by the end of the month.”
“I don’t want you to go, Shay, but I’ll be fine if this job is what you want. We’ll all miss you, but we’re your family no matter where you live.” Her gaze flicks to my untouched wine—Brayden poured—and back to me before curling her lips into a knowing smile. “You have news you’ve been keeping from me, and I can’t figure out why.”
My laughter takes even me by surprise and comes out as a bit of a giggle-snort. “Of course you know. You probably knew before me.”
“I knew the day Easton came back to town and you didn’t drink your champagne. You’re a fan of liquid courage, and something had to be off for you to push it aside that day.”
She knew before I did. Of course. “I found out Monday,” I whisper. “And I’m scared and surprised, but I’m not sad—not about the baby part, at least.”
“The man from school is the father?” she asks.
I nod.
“Will he be involved?”
I shake my head.
“Maybe that’s for the best, huh?”
“How would you even know that?”
She wipes my cheek, like she’s washing away a messy child’s dinner. “He didn’t make you happy. I could see that.”
“After we broke up, I found out . . .” I squeeze her hand tightly. “He’s married, Mama. I didn’t know, and now his wife has asked him to move out and a little girl might grow up without her dad.” I drop my gaze to our hands. “And I think it would be easier to move away than to see you every day knowing I’ve disappointed you. I’m so ashamed.”