“No. But once he’d admitted it was a fantasy, I thought that would be the end of it. I thought it was just something he wanted to talk about to get turned on. It didn’t mean we were going to act on it. There’s a difference between talking about a fantasy and actually wanting it to happen. Heath would whisper in my ear when we were . . . intimate. Describing it turned him on. He’d tell me he wanted to watch someone else go down on me, told me I was so beautiful to him that he just . . . He wanted to watch.
“I don’t think there’s anything shameful about fantasies, or even this particular fantasy. But this fantasy was his. His descriptions only turned me on because I knew how much they turned him on. And it was safe—just his imagination, just talking.”
I lean forward, propping my elbows on my knees and swallowing back my nausea. My stomach clenches as I realize where this is going.
“Do you have any idea how hot it is to have a woman want you so much she lets you take her in her boyfriend’s bed while he watches?”
Holy shit. She didn’t sleep with Rich because she wanted to. She did it because Heath wanted her to. “Did Heath . . . make you?”
She looks me in the eye for the first time since she walked in the door. “I like to think he’d have backed off if I’d said no that night, but . . .” She squeezes her eyes shut and takes a deep breath, as if she’s trying to brace herself for what comes next. “He and Rich were such good friends, but Rich and I had a history. It never occurred to me that Heath might be thinking of him—planning something with him. One night, Rich was over. The three of us were drinking bottle after bottle of my favorite wine, and they were killing me in poker. I was too naïve to realize what was happening. I went to use the restroom, and Heath caught me in the hallway on my way back.”
“Shit.” God, I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry I only took one swing at Rich. He deserved much worse.
She wanders toward the chair opposite me and traces the seams. “Heath was so turned on. I don’t think he’d ever kissed me as deeply or passionately as he did that night. Rich was right around the corner, and Heath put his hand between my legs. He touched me until I was nearly undone. Then he started whispering his fantasies again, but now instead of this nameless, faceless third party, he used a name. He talked about the way Rich was looking at me. About how hot it made him to think about watching me with his best friend.
“He knew I was nervous. Even drunk, I was scared. But I loved Heath, and I thought if you loved someone, you tried to make them happy. He stroked me through my panties and kissed my neck until I was too turned on to care about anything but my own release. When he led me out of the hallway, I thought maybe that was it. Maybe he thought it was hot to talk about it with his friend so close. But we walked back into the living room, and he looked Rich right in the eye, smiled, and told him I was . . . wet. Ready.”
Her voice shakes with . . . shame? Embarrassment? It kills me, and I want to roar my anger on her behalf, but I stay quiet, understanding that she needs to tell it all.
“I should’ve said no right then. If I had, everything would’ve been different. There was part of me—some warning siren going off in my head that said this couldn’t end well—but I blamed it on my conservative upbringing and told myself to relax. To try to enjoy it. I loved the way Heath was looking at me. I’d never seen so much hunger in his eyes or felt so desired. Heath held my hand and kissed my neck when Rich started touching me.”
She shakes her head. “Heath took pictures of the whole thing. I focused on that to get through it—focused on him watching, on him being so turned on—and then I passed out afterward. To make matters worse, Sabrina came by the next morning after Heath left for work. Rich and I were still in bed together. I was still half drunk. She flipped on the lights, and I closed my eyes against the bright light, but Rich barked at her to get the fuck out.” She swallows and wipes her cheeks again. “I didn’t even try to jump out of bed. I froze while Sabrina stared at us. She was so disgusted, and I didn’t know what to do. I was so ashamed of what I’d done that I didn’t ever tell her the truth about what she saw that morning. And when she told Heath what she walked in on, he didn’t tell her either. I was never sure whether to be grateful or upset about that.”