“I . . . I don’t understand.” I bite my lip. “You just left the other bar with another woman. And now you’re asking me . . . ?”
“The woman was Myla. She was drunk.” He sighs heavily. “I screwed up there. I thought we were friends. I didn’t realize she’d started imagining we’d become more.”
“But you two are more. You have been more. You can feed yourself whatever lies you want, but if you’re sleeping together, you’re not just friends. And if you’re still sleeping with her, I can’t . . .” I shake my head. “I can’t be one of several. I don’t work like that.”
“I didn’t go home with her. I haven’t slept with anyone since before the auction.”
I laugh, but it’s more hysterical than joyful. “That’s less than a week, Carter. Am I supposed to be proud?”
“No, of course not. I just . . .” He scans my face, searching for something, and I realize that maybe I’m as closed off as he is. “I didn’t think I wanted more with anyone at all, Teagan. The idea of letting someone in when I’m as fucked up as I’ve been? It scared me to death.” He swallows. “With you, it’s a different kind of scary. It’s not the scary of nightmares. It’s the scary of holding on to something precious and feeling responsible for what happens to it.”
My breath catches, because I know exactly what he means. The feeling he describes is the exact one I had when he pulled me into his arms in the lake more than a year ago and I pushed him away. It was like having someone place a rare gem in my hands and choosing to put it back in the safe deposit box—protecting it rather than enjoying it.
“You are precious,” he says, “and a chance with you is something I want enough to be brave. So I’m asking you if it would be so bad if things did change between us.”
My heart races, and I struggle to keep my footing as I waver between wanting to run from the edge of this cliff and wanting to leap off it. “The idea scares me,” I admit. I let myself step closer and lean my head on his chest.
He strokes his hand up my side. “Because of my job?”
“Not just that. I like you,” I say softly.
“But . . . ?”
I flick my eyes up to meet his, but there’s no judgment on his face, no hurt or caution. Instead, his eyes are full of open curiosity, caring, and maybe a little sympathy. “But I think that if I let down my guard, it would be a fast fall from lust to love. I already know it would be so easy to fall for you.”
He gives me a sad smile. “But you don’t know if you can trust me to catch you.” It’s more reluctant observation than question. He pulls me against his chest, and we dance. “I don’t need an answer now. Just to feel you. All I want tonight is to hold you close so that jackass can’t get to you.”
We dance, letting our bodies rock to the music, letting go of this pretense that neither of us wants more. And it’s enough. For now, it’s enough. On the other side of the dance floor, Liam and Saanvi are doing the same. My sister is so happy when she looks up at her groom—there are stars in her eyes for everything he is to her. And I realize that for all the dating I’ve done since coming to Jackson Harbor, for all my searching for someone, I haven’t been looking for what they have. I’ve been scared of it—scared of what it will mean for me if I give up a piece of myself again. If I let myself love someone so entirely that I might break myself just to prove that love.
But maybe what I did for Heath—maybe that’s not what love is. Maybe love is the person who reminds you of who you are. Maybe it’s the person who helps you see yourself so clearly that you have the courage to say no when you’re being asked to give too much.
“We’re getting out of here,” Saanvi says over the music, pulling me away from my spot nestled in Carter’s arms for the first time in many, many songs. Liam’s standing behind her, his arms wrapped around her waist. “Want to share a cab with us?”
I look to Carter, who gives me a gentle smile. “Whatever you want,” he says softly. I realize he doesn’t only mean the cab. He means us. This. Trying for more.
I nod, and he lifts my hand and holds my gaze as he presses a kiss to my knuckles.
Teagan
We don’t talk to anyone as we exit the taxi, and Saanvi gives me a knowing smile as we head straight to the stairs. To our room.