She gives a dark chuckle. “Of course you’re not. And who would blame you after what I did to you?”
I want to defend her and help ease her guilty conscience, but I swallow back the instinct. I’m not going to gloss over Veronica’s flaws anymore. I’m not going to cover for her with anyone, including herself. “You broke my heart,” I whisper.
“I wish I hadn’t.” She sounds so sincere. I want to believe her.
“I applied for a bunch of preschool assistant jobs this week. Places all over the country. I applied anywhere there was a good opportunity to do the kind of work I’ve always dreamed about. I never thought I’d have the courage to leave home for a job, but being here has made me realize I can do it. I thought I’d start over somewhere and maybe eventually go back to school. Get the degree I always wanted.” I take a breath, making myself pause before my offer. “I’m not coming home, but maybe you could join me wherever I land?”
“Shit. Marcus is home. He doesn’t like me talking to you. Shit, shit. I have to go.”
She hangs up, and I close my eyes against the sharp pain of feeling her yanked away from me.
Ever since I shut Ethan down on Sunday, Dr. McBroody Pants is back. He’s avoided me as much as possible and barely spoken to me the few times we were in the same room. This afternoon, he picked up Lilly from school and left for the cabin.
I think I’m still welcome there for Thanksgiving. I think.
I’m exhausted because I’ve barely slept. I am so conflicted about my relationship with Ethan and the lies that mean I can’t let it be more than it is. I have to set clear boundaries. Even if I don’t want to. Even if those boundaries make him cold and distant when I want him hot and close.
Because I bake for people when I feel insecure, I go to the grocery store for everything I need to wow his whole family. If I think Ethan might not want me there, I’m going to show up with a few desserts and the freshly baked bread he raved about on my birthday. I add lasagna ingredients to my cart at the last minute, too. They’re staying there all weekend, and at some point, they’re going to want something other than turkey.
I head to the checkout with my ingredients and pile them onto the belt.
“Hey there,” the cashier says. “Did ya find everything you need okay?”
Should I make pumpkin cheesecake too? I bite my bottom lip. I’m definitely overdoing it. “I think so.”
“You look familiar,” she says, studying me. Then she snaps her fingers. “You’re Dr. Jackson’s nanny.”
“I . . .” I shake my head. “Y’all sure know each other around here.”
She nods and beams at me like this is high praise. “Of course we do. So glad to meet you.”
“Um . . . you too.” I force a smile.
“You know, I’m not surprised he brought someone from out of town to care for Lilly. His wife wasn’t a local either. She moved here in high school from California and never really fit in.”
I pull my wallet from my purse and nod. “Is that so?” I don’t feel comfortable having a conversation about Elena with this stranger when I can’t even have one with Ethan.
She drops her voice to a stage whisper. “That woman cheated on him, you know that? Everybody knows that.”
I can only stare at her. What am I supposed to say? I want to point out that talking about it now doesn’t serve any purpose, but even that seems like its own kind of affirmation of the gossip I don’t want to be a part of.
“And then when he found out, she just left him and that sweet girl behind.”
“Left him?” But Ethan’s wife died. Did she leave him before she had her heart attack? Is that part of the secrecy around her death? Are they trying to hide that from Lilly?
“Selfish, if you ask me. So selfish.”
“She had a heart attack.” My voice comes out weak, but I feel like I should say something and not just let this woman talk trash about Ethan’s wife.
“Mmm-hmm, a heart attack. That’s what they told everybody.”
I load the last of my items onto the belt and head to the other side of the register to help her load them into bags as she starts chattering on about all the nice women who would have loved to marry Dr. Jackson.
When I get home, I put away my purchases and put the meat in a skillet to brown. I’ve always loved the meal preparation part of this job. Maybe because it makes me feel like I have a home of my own.
I try to focus on the task at hand, but as I brown the meat, I keep thinking about the way the cashier talked about Ethan’s wife’s death as “selfish.” I can’t say the rumor of the affair took me by surprise after the note I found in her bookcase. Did she leave for her lover? Surely that’s what the cashier meant. Elena left and she died after she made that choice.