Does that mean he wants me to stay or that he wants me to go? “I don’t know what you’re asking me.”
“Your original contract was for three months. What if I don’t want to call any of these candidates? What if I want you to continue on until February?”
I draw in a ragged breath. “If you need me, I will.”
“And what about after that? Do you have plans?”
“I like Jackson Harbor. I mean, minus the bone-chilling cold. I might like to find a job around here.” I freeze. If I stay, he’ll eventually learn that I’m not Veronica. If I leave, he’ll never have to find out. But where would I go? One thing I’ve learned about having no roots is that every storm knocks me over. I’m ready for roots, and the longer I’m in Jackson Harbor, the more I want to put them down here. Would I be willing to give that up? To leave in February if it meant Ethan would never discover my lie?
He searches my face. “Would you consider staying on with me longer? When my mother returns, I want her to have the freedom to travel more frequently. I mean, we’d take another look at your contract, of course. Increase your pay or give you some long-term benefits.”
Damn you, Kathleen. If we’d been honest with Ethan from the beginning, I could say yes right now. Because I so badly want to stay. Sure, my feelings for Ethan are complicated, but his family is amazing, and I love this little town. Most importantly, I love the time with Lilly.
“Nic? Will you say something?”
I lift my eyes to meet his and shake my head. “I wish I could, but I can’t. I’ll stay until February, but you’ll need someone new then.” And I’ll need to find a new place to start over.
He studies the résumé in his hands. “Right. Of course. You were never planning for this to be permanent. You have plans and places to be.”
My heart squeezes, and the truth sits heavy on my tongue. I can’t stay because I can’t continue to lie to you. “I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “No. It’s not a big deal. Mom will be back in February anyway, so even if this woman isn’t a good fit, we’ll be fine.”
I try to smile, but I can’t help but think about how awful Kathleen sounded on the phone this morning. Will she be back in February? If her treatments need to continue beyond that point, what will she tell her family?
“It’s worse than I expected,” she said when Lilly gave the phone back to me. “Since I was by my husband’s side through his treatments, I thought I was prepared for what was coming, but I wasn’t. I have some good moments, but not many.”
“Interview the preschool teacher,” I tell Ethan now. “I bet she’ll be perfect.” My phone buzzes on the counter, and I grab it without thinking and take the call. “Hello?”
“Ronnie? Is that you?”
I draw in a ragged breath at that nickname for my twin and the voice speaking it. I haven’t heard either since high school. “Mom?”
“Happy birthday, baby. How are you? How was your sister’s wedding?”
My eyes fill with tears. I haven’t talked to my mother in years, but she knew I was getting married. She never calls me, but she knows Veronica’s phone number and called to wish her a happy birthday. “This is Nic.”
She’s silent for a dozen beats of my aching heart. “Nicky?”
I swallow around the lump in my throat and look at the floor. I know Ethan is staring at me. “Yeah. How are you?”
“Oh, you know, pretty good. Where’s Ronnie?”
“She’s not here right now, Mom. Do you . . .” What am I supposed to say? Why don’t you ever call me? Hey, why don’t you pretend you care, since you have me on the phone? “Can I give her a message for you?”
“I just called to tell her happy birthday. She always loved me most. Just wanted her to know her mama still cares.”
I close my eyes. She always loved me most. Mom never forgave me for trying to make the best of our lives when they took us away again. “I’ll tell her.”
“You okay, Nicky? That rich boy being good to you?” I don’t know if she’s drunk or high or if she’s spent so much of her life under the influence of something that she just naturally slurs her words together now.
“We broke up,” I whisper. “But I’m fine.”
“Of course you are. Nicky, my fixer. You never needed anyone. Not like your sister. Ronnie needs someone to take care of her.”
“I have to go, Mom.”
“Bye, baby. Don’t forget to tell Ronnie I called.”
I nod even though I know she can’t see me. “Okay.”
When I hang up, Ethan’s still looking at me. “Is everything okay?”