“I got her a few things that she desperately needed. Like a phone. And shoes—she needs shoes, Ethan, considering she cut her foot while walking barefoot for the two miles between her condo and this house. I don’t why that’s such a big fucking deal. Especially since from what I hear, you pretty much bombarded Chloe with gifts when you first got together.”
“Little things. Tea bags and seashells—”
“And a four-hundred-dollar Vitamix.”
“That she nearly brained me with the first time she returned it. And that got destroyed in a pretty terrible way when things went south between us, so I’m not sure exactly what you were expecting when you ordered all those things for Tori.”
“I wasn’t expecting anything. I don’t want anything from her because I bought her a laptop, for God’s sake. I just want her to have what she needs. I mean, come on. We both know Tori’s a hell of a lot more high-maintenance than Chloe, yet she showed up here with nothing. I figured she’d be thrilled I got her a few things.”
“And by ‘a few things,’ you mean thousands of dollars’ worth of clothes and electronics.”
“She needs a phone, Ethan. And a laptop. And shoes. And a few outfits—”
“Like I said, gifts worth several thousand dollars. And I get that she needed them. But don’t you think Chloe would have taken care of it by now if she thought Tori was in a place to accept anything from us? Tori’s whole world just caved in on her and she’s still reeling from it. Still raw from it. You should have given her a little time to get her head together, to figure out herself what she needs—”
“I didn’t want her to have to ask. I figured having to ask Chloe or me for anything would humiliate her, and I didn’t want that for her. I wanted to make things easier, not harder—”
“So tell her that. Apologize, tell her you screwed up, and tell her why you screwed up. Once she realizes it’s because you respect and care about her, not because you don’t, she’ll have a hard time staying angry.”
My knee-jerk reaction to his suggestion is Not a chance in hell. I’ve never been particularly good at explaining myself to people in the best of times. The idea of explaining myself to Tori—who really isn’t going to want to hear it—pretty much flies in the face of how I normally operate. And while I usually figure, Why explain?—if whoever is pissed has it wrong, that’s on them, not me—that’s not how I feel right now.
Tori’s spent so much of the last year furious with me, and the last thing I want to do is go back to that. Not after I’ve seen her laugh, not after I’ve listened to her talk, and definitely not after we spent half the morning tearing up the sheets together. Sex with Tori is absolutely the best sex I’ve ever had and I sure as hell don’t want to go back to when we weren’t having sex.
But it’s more than that, more than just the fact that I won’t get laid as long as she’s pissed off. I don’t want Tori to be mad. More, I don’t want her to be hurt. And I sure as hell don’t want to be the one who hurt her.
Yes, we’ve spent the last year sniping at each other. Taking verbal swings at each other and hassling each other whenever we can. But that was when she was at the top of her game. When she had the whole world in the palm of her hand. Taking a swipe at her now—even unintentionally—feels fucking awful. Especially when I think about the look on her face as she told me off. And, worse, the look on her face when she walked away.
“Hey, Girard, you still there?”
“I’m still here, damnit. Just trying to figure out the most effective way to grovel.”
Ethan laughs. “I knew you’d come around.”
“Yeah, well, the sooner I get her calmed down…”
“The sooner you’ll get her back into your bed, where she belongs.” He pauses. “And hey, no one is happier about this development than Chloe and I. We’ve thought you’d be good together for a while now—which is why we’ve been setting her up on the worst blind dates known to man. But she’s Chloe’s best friend, and she’s vulnerable, so it probably goes without saying…but I’m going to say it anyway. Don’t hurt her, man. She’s got it rough enough right now without dealing with a broken heart, too.”
His protectiveness gets my back up—which is ridiculous, considering he thinks of Tori like a sister. But I still don’t want him to be protective of her. I don’t want any man to be protective of her but me, and—
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where the hell did that come from? Caring about the woman I’m sleeping with is one thing. Going all he-man over her is another, and not something I’m prone to.
Most of the women I date are casual. We sleep together a few times and then I move on because they’re not that interesting once we’re out of bed and sitting across the breakfast table from each other. It may sound harsh, but it’s the truth. Most women can’t keep up, let alone give as good as they get from me. The fact that I don’t have that problem with Tori—that she’s been infinitely fascinating to me for a year now—is something I’m just registering. Right along with the protectiveness.
I don’t know what it means—or more, I don’t want to know. Two days ago we were at each other’s throats and now I’m getting my back up about Ethan warning me to take care of her. Ethan, for God’s sake, who is so crazy about my sister that it’s a little pathetic to watch. It’s crazy. Or, more likely, I’m going crazy.
Just the thought is enough to have me up and moving. I don’t have any desire to sit here dwelling on any of this. Not now, when Tori’s still pissed at me. And definitely not when I don’t have the answers to a
ny of the questions I can’t help asking myself.
I don’t tell Ethan that, though. I can barely handle being this fucked up—let alone having my sister’s husband know about it, too. So instead I say the one thing I am sure of. “I’m not planning on hurting her, dude.”
“Yeah, well, I never planned on hurting Chloe. And neither did you.” What he leaves unsaid, of course, is that, in our own ways, we both nearly destroyed my sister. As always, when I think of it, the guilt almost eats me alive.
“How is she?” I ask, because I can’t not ask. Even though I know she’s happy, even though I know things have worked out for her better than she could ever have hoped, I can’t help but worry. I didn’t worry enough when she was younger, always took her word when she told me she was doing okay. I’ll be damned if I fall into that same trap ever again.
“She’s really good,” Ethan answers. “First month of law school is kind of a shock for her, but she’s holding her own. And she’s totally in love with Violet, so…she’s good.”
“I’m glad. I—” A knock on the door sounds and I immediately lose my train of thought. “I’ve got to go, Ethan.”