“I didn’t say that. ”
“You didn’t have to. ”
“I think there are two sides to every story, and I think your reasons for doing what you do are incredibly compelling. And no, I don’t think you’re wrong. I’m just not sure you’re a hundred-percent right, either. ”
He doesn’t speak for long moments, and then when he does, the words he says aren’t what I’m expecting at all. “I can live with that if you can. ”
I think of my brother, of my father, of the shit storm that’s been my life for as long as I can remember. And then I think of the tender way Ethan holds me. Touches me. Kisses me. And I know that there’s only ever been one answer. “Damn right I can. ”
Chapter Sixteen
His arms come around me then, and he’s kissing me, his mouth skimming over my forehead, my cheeks, my jaw, my lips, my neck. I tilt my head back to give him better access, then moan as he presses soft kisses over my collarbone.
“Your heart’s beating fast,” he tells me, even as he delivers more kisses to the rapid pulse at the hollow of my throat.
“I wonder why. ”
He grins at me. “I don’t know. Maybe we should investigate. ”
“I thought you already were. ”
He drops more kisses over the base of my neck, darts his tongue out and licks at my mouth, my jaw, the sensitive spot behind my ear. Then he presses two fingers to my jugular. “It’s beating even faster now. ”
I lift my hand to the center of his chest, feel the steady but rapid boom-boom-boom of his own heart. “Yours isn’t exactly slow, you know. ”
“You didn’t expect anything different, did you, when I’ve got you pressed up against me, all soft and sexy and sweet-smelling?”
“Wow,” I say with mock gravity. “How very sibilant of you. ”
“Not to mention charming. ”
I look away, feign an interest in the landscape that I’m far from feeling. I even manage to fake a small yawn.
“So that’s the way you want to play it, hmm?” He grabs my hands, gently turns me to face him.
I look at him then, really look at him, and realize that the darkness—the remoteness—that has been in his eyes all day has vanished. In its place is the lightness I’m used to. And something else. Something more. I don’t know what it is, and I couldn’t describe it even if I wanted to. But whatever it is, it’s got me trembling all over again. Has my breath catching in my throat and my brain slowly moving into meltdown territory.
And then he’s kissing me, really kissing me, and nothing in my life has ever felt better.
I tilt my head, open for him. Relish the feel of his lips. Tantalizing. Taking all the broken shards of me I have to offer and giving me pieces of him in return.
I wrap my arms around him, tugging at his simple white T-shirt until I manage to pull it free from his jeans. I want to feel him, want to put my hands on all that warm, golden skin. To slide my fingers over it and feel him tremble in response.
Ethan gasps as I finally manage to press my hands against the hard, muscled planes of his back. There’s nothing in between us now, no fabric barricade to get in the way of my touching him.
I skim my fingers up his spine, then back down again. I circle around to the front, to the six-pack that he’s rocking and the delicate little happy trail that stretches from his belly button down into the front of his low-rise jeans.
I want to follow it, to delve deeper until I’m touching him. Until his long, hard cock is in my hand and I’m bringing him the same pleasure that he’s already given me.
I close my eyes, lean into him. Press my mouth more firmly against his to deepen the kiss, even as my thumb brushes back and forth against the sensitive skin of his lower abs. Ethan groans deep in his throat, and I want to go farther. To drop to my knees in front of him, take him in my mouth and feel the ecstasy as it pulses through him.
But even as I think it, even as I imagine what it would be like to have Ethan in my mouth, in my throat, other images crowd in. Images of Brandon forcing me to my knees, his hands tangled in my hair as his mouth spewed vile words and demands.
I stiffen right away, and the desire I’m feeling vanishes in the space between one breath and the next. Ethan drops his arms, steps back, then smiles ruefully as he tucks his shirt back into his jeans. “You make me forget that we’re in a parking lot in broad daylight. ”
I feel my shoulders sag in relief. Yes, I tell myself. Let him think I stopped because of where we are, not because of who I am. Not because of a past I just can’t conquer, no matter how much I want to.
“You okay?” he asks when I don’t say anything. His palm skims down my arm until he gets to my hand. Then he entwines his fingers with my own.