Now was obviously not the time to tell him the truth. Jessica went upstairs to her own room and stayed there until she heard him drive away, and then she rang Justine to tell her that she was on her way to pick up the boys.
Justine coaxed them into staying on and having tea with her, and it was gone seven o’clock when they eventually arrived back. There was no sign of Lyle, and the strain of waiting for him to come back so that she could talk to him stretched Jessica’s already overwound nerves almost to breaking point.
At nine o’clock she rang the hospital and was told that Andrea was improving. At ten-thirty when Lyle had still not come home she went upstairs and ran a bath hoping that it might relax her.
At midnight she was lying in bed, still wide awake, her body waiting tensely for the first sound of his car. It seemed a lifetime before the wide arc of its headlight illu
minated her bedroom. Jessica heard him come in and go into the kitchen and then only minutes later she heard him come upstairs and go into his own room.
She had to speak to him tonight. If she didn’t she would never sleep. Slipping on her robe she padded across the landing and knocked briefly on his door before going in.
He was lying fully dressed on his bed, thoughtfully contemplating what looked like a full glass of whisky.
‘Why so shocked?’ he mocked when he saw her expression. ‘I’m simply taking a leaf out of your book, although I doubt that I’ll be so easily able to forget the events of today.’
‘Lyle, please, it wasn’t like it seemed.’ Jessica knew she was making a clumsy start, but somehow the sight of Lyle drinking had shocked all her carefully prepared explanations right out of her mind.
Without thinking she went up to him, reaching out pleadingly, but to her anguish he pushed her away, so roughly that she almost fell.
‘Don’t bother lying to me, Jessica,’ he told her harshly. ‘I know exactly what it was like. You married me not because of your sister as you told me, but as part of some damned experiment. Your lover told me that much today.’
His words were like a blow to the chest, making her faint with shock and fear.
‘David is not my lover,’ she said huskily. ‘He never has been, and he never will be.’
‘So you say, but you don’t deny what he told me, do you, Jessica. Because you can’t.’
How on earth could she explain to Lyle, in his present mood, just why she had told David that? The whole issue was so complex and involved, her own nerves stretched so tensely that she could not trust herself to make him understand.
‘Lyle, please.’
‘Please what?’ he demanded roughly. ‘Please make love to you as a substitute for Chalmers?’ He laughed harshly. ‘My God, you really took me for a fool, didn’t you? Well, it’s over now, Jessica,’ he told her bitterly. ‘You can leave this house just as soon as you like.’
Even though she had been expecting them, his words still took her by surprise, shocking her into a paralysis of despair from which she emerged only enough to murmur brokenly, ‘But Stuart and James?’
‘Oh, yes, you’ve done your work well on those two, too well. I can’t take the risk of what it might do to them if they never see you again, but neither can I endure having you in this house any longer. They’re old enough to understand that marriages don’t always work out, after all this isn’t the first time they’ve experienced divorce. I won’t stop them from seeing you if that’s what they want, but I won’t have you under my roof any longer, Jessica. By this time tomorrow I want you out, do you understand?’ He looked more angry than she had ever seen him before.
Somehow she managed to stagger back to her own room, her life in ruins. He had not even given her an opportunity to defend herself, to explain.
* * *
SHE DIDN’T SLEEP. How could she? Her mind went over and over that dreadful scene with Lyle, desperately wishing she had been allowed to explain things, and yet her heart knowing that Lyle had not wanted to hear any explanations. He had wanted to get rid of her.
After breakfast he took her on one side and reiterated, ‘I want you out of here just as quickly as possible, please. I’ll tell the boys, and I’ll be in touch with you to make arrangements for the divorce, and for you to see Stuart and James, if that’s what you wish. Please don’t say anything to them, I prefer to explain the situation to them myself.’
‘So that you can blame me, I suppose,’ Jessica flung at him bitterly. ‘If only you’d listened, I…’
‘You would what? Have told me that your brother-in-law lied when he said you were using our marriage to test out your pet theories? Well?’
How could she explain to him in this mood why she had said that to David? And how odd that he seemed more angry about what was surely only a minor issue than others which to her were far more important.
‘Was that why you made love with me?’ he demanded harshly. ‘As part of an experiment? You’ll have to let me know how I rated or will I be able to read about it for myself?’
He came towards her, so angry that for a moment Jessica thought he was going to hit her, and she fell back automatically, watching the rage die from his face, and contempt take its place.
‘Oh, for God’s sake, I’m not going to touch you,’ he told her bitterly. ‘I doubt that I could now, even if I wanted to. Why, why did you do it?’ he demanded thickly. ‘Was it because I told you I no longer wanted to make love? Did you find that a challenge you couldn’t resist? Was…’ He broke off, his mouth snapping shut, and Jessica realised sickly that he was so angry because she had hurt his pride, because he thought she had used him callously and cold-bloodedly. But it was too late to tell him the truth now, too late and of too little importance. He didn’t want her in his life any more, in any capacity—he had made that more than clear.
Her flat was let on a monthly tenancy, and for the first week of their separation she lived in a small hotel while waiting for her tenants to quit. Divorce was out of the question in view of the short life of their marriage, but she had received a very curt letter from Lyle telling her that although he no longer wished to see her, both boys did and that with her agreement it could be arranged that they would spend their weekends with her.