He sighs, snuggles back into the sofa. “I used to want to be infinite.”
Unexpected tears burn the back of my throat. Before I know I’m going to do it, I reach a hand out and stroke it through his crazy blond ringlets. “You are infinite, Timmy.”
“No.” Though he’s tired, his gaze is steady on mine. “But I’m going to be. Soon, I think.”
“Timmy—”
“It’s okay, Tansy. I’m okay.” He leans over, rests his head on my shoulder. I put my hand on his knee, patting softly until his eyes drift closed and his breathing evens out.
It’s not much, but it’s all I can do right now. All anyone can do.
I’m on my way back to my room ten minutes later to get some sleep—blessed sleep—when I get a text from Luc.
Hey. Come have a drink with us.
No way. Us certainly includes Ash and I feel like I’ve already been there and done that today.
Thanks, but I’m beat. Going to sleep.
I don’t even make it to the elevator before my phone buzzes again.
Come on. Just 1 drink. It’ll b fun. We r in the main outside bar, with the fire pits.
I shouldn’t. I know I shouldn’t. But I have to admit, all the attention Luc is paying me is a little flattering. Especially after the way Ash was so obviously repulsed by me at his house.
Refusing to let myself think better of it, I push the down elevator button instead of the up one and before I know it, I’m standing at the door to the back patio, trying to decide if I’m really going to do this.
It’s just turned dark, so the bar isn’t very busy—I guess people are still making their way back from the runs or going to dinner or whatever—and I spot them easily. Z, Ophelia, Luc, Cam and Ash, bundled up and sitting next to one of the big fire pits, laughing and drinking and having what looks to be a really great time.
I shouldn’t go over there. I shouldn’t. I mean, the last thing I want is for Ash to think I’m chasing him. But they’re having so much fun and I want to be over there with them. Want to be sitting with them, talking and laughing and telling outrageous stories. I’ve never gotten to do that before. Never gotten to hang out in a bar—or anywhere else for that matter—and crack jokes with my friends. Not a lot of time, or strength, for that when you’re battling one of the most aggressive forms of cancer there is.
But I’m not cancer girl anymore and there’s no time like the present to change things up. It’s the rule I’ve been living by from the minute the doctor told me I was in remission. That I was going to live.
I’m still debating what I want to do when Ash glances my way. He does a double take, his eyes locking with mine. There’s an entire room between us and yet, somehow, I feel the weight of his gaze like he’s right next to me. Like he’s touching me.
Heat pools in my belly at the thought. It doesn’t slam through me, doesn’t tear along my nerve endings like it did that first day in the storage room. No, this time it takes its time, spreading slowly through me like sweet, thick syrup. Somehow
, that’s even worse because I have time to think about it, time to wonder what the hell is happening to me, even as I start to catch fire.
A flurry of wind sweeps through the door but I barely feel the cold. I’m too caught up in the look in Ash’s eyes and the warmth moving through me.
He raises a hand in a gesture that’s half wave and half a request for me to come closer. My feet move of their own accord, like I’d been waiting for the acknowledgment all along without knowing it, and I’m walking toward him. Walking toward them, I remind myself viciously. Luc is the one who invited me to join them. Z is the one who made the trip possible. Ash … Ash is just the talent. Just along for the ride.
I’m halfway to the table when Luc spots me. He jumps up, rushes over and pulls me into the shelter of his embrace—like it’s been days instead of minutes since he last saw me. Like we didn’t just meet today. Still, his response makes me feel so much better, so much less alone.
I cuddle closer to him in relief, burrowing under his arm and absorbing his warm, spicy smell and the comfort of his presence. There’s no heat, no zing, nothing like what I’ve felt the few times Ash has touched me, but I’m okay with that. More than okay. As long as my brain is fully engaged, I won’t be making a fool of myself in front of anyone else.
“Hey, everyone good?” he asks as he pulls me over to the fire pit the others have claimed as their own.
“Yeah, great. Timmy’s wiped and so are his parents, I think.”
“Logan, too,” Luc tells me. “Ash wanted to stay with him but he shoved him out of the room, told him he couldn’t think with him hovering over him.”
“Yeah,” I say without thinking. “No matter how much your family loves you, sometimes it just feels stifling and you need a few minutes to breathe.”
“You saying I’m stifling my brother?” Ash sounds really confrontational, surprisingly confrontational considering the fact that the air around us is rife with the smell of weed.
“I’m saying you’re a little high-strung,” I tell him, plucking the joint out of his hand since he’s not doing anything with it and taking a long drag myself. The smoke burning through my lungs is a familiar feeling, a relaxing one, and every muscle I have turns to butter as it works its way through my system. I take another drag before passing it on to Luc, who’s grinning at me like I’ve just done something totally surprising.