'Why should they do that?'
Moist sighed. 'Because you'll know how to command the biggest army there has ever been! Did you look around outside? Didn't you see all the coppers? They turned up right after the hearing!'
'What coppers?'
'Those trolls re-laying the cobbles? How often do you see that happening? The line of cabs that aren't interested in passengers? The battalion of beggars? And the coach yard around the back is full of hangers-on, lounging about and watching the windows. Those coppers. It's called a stake-out, and I'm the meat - '
There was a knock at the door. Moist recognized it; it sought to alert without disturbing.
'Come in, Stanley,' he said. The door opened.
'It's me, sir,' said Stanley, who went through life with the care of a man reading a manual translated from a foreign language.
'Yes, Stanley.'
'Head of Stamps, sir,' said Stanley.
'Yes, Stanley?'
'Lord Vetinari is in the coach yard, sir, inspecting the new automatic pick-up mechanism. He says there is no rush, sir.'
'He says there is no rush,' said Moist to Adora Belle.
'We'd better hurry, then?'
'Exactly.'
'Remarkably like a gibbet,' said Lord Vetinari, while behind him coaches rumbled in and out.
'It will allow a fast coach to pick up mailbags without slowing,' said Moist. 'That means letters going from small country offices can travel express without slowing the coach. It could save a few minutes on a long run.'
'And of course if I let you have some of the golem horses the coaches might travel at a hundred miles an hour, I'm told, and I wonder if those glowing eyes could see even through this murk.'
'Possibly, sir. But in fact I already have all the golem horses,' said Moist.
Vetinari gave him a cool look, and then said: 'Hah! And you also have all your ears. What exchange rate are we discussing?'
'Look, it's not that I want to be Lord of the Golems - ' Moist began.
'On the way, please. Do join me in my coach,' said Vetinari.
'Where are we going?'
'Hardly any distance. We're going to see Mr Bent.'
The clown who opened the little sliding door in the Fools' Guild's forbidding gates looked from Vetinari to Moist to Adora Belle, and wasn't very happy about any of them.
'We are here to see Dr Whiteface,' said Vetinari. 'I require you to let us in with the minimum of mirth.'
The door snapped back. There was some hurried whispering and a clanking noise, and one half of the double doors opened a little way, just enough for people to walk through in single file. Moist stepped forward, but Vetinari put a restraining hand on his shoulder and pointed up with his stick.
'This is the Fools' Guild,' he said. 'Expect... fun.'
There was a bucket balanced on the door. He sighed and gave it a push with his stick. There was a thud and a splash from the other side.
'I don't know why they persist in this, I really don't,' he said, sweeping through. 'It's not funny and it could hurt someone. Mind the custard.' There was a groan from the dark behind the door.
'Mr Bent was born Charlie Benito, according to Dr Whiteface,' said Vetinari, pushing his way through the tent that occupied the guild's quadrangle. 'And he was born a clown.'