'He's been murdered?'
'Nosir!' Vimes conferred briefly and urgently with his sergeant. 'Body provisionally identified as Professor Cranberry, sir, not a real professor, he's a nasty hired killer. We thought he'd left the city. Sounds like the other one is Ribcage Jack, who was kicked to death' - there was another whispered briefing, but Commander Vimes tended to raise his voice when he was angry - 'by a what? On the second floor? Don't be daft! So what got Cranberry? Eh? Did you just mean what I thought you said?'
He straightened up. 'Sorry, sir, I'm going to have to go and see this for myself. I think someone is having a jape.'
'And poor Bent?' said Vetinari.
'No sign of him, sir.'
'Thank you, commander.' Vetinari waved a hand. 'Do hurry back when you know more. We cannot have japes. Thank you, Drumknott. I gather you found nothing untoward apart from the lack of gold. I'm sure that comes as a relief to us all. The floor is yours, Mr Slant.'
The lawyer rose with an air of dignity and mothballs. 'Tell me, Mr Lipwig, what was your job before you came to Ankh-Morpork?' he said.
O-kay, thought Moist, looking at Vetinari, I've worked it out. If I'm good and say the right things, I might live. At a price. Well, no thanks. All I wanted to do was make some money.
'Your job, Mr Lipwig?' Slant repeated.
Moist looked along the rows of watchers, and saw the face of Cribbins. The man winked.
'Hmm?' he said.
'I asked you what your job was before you arrived in this city!'
It was at this point that Moist became aware of a regrettably familiar whirring sound, and from his raised position he was the first to see the chairman of the Royal Bank appear from behind the curtains at the far end of the hall with his wonderful new toy clamped firmly in his mouth. Some trick of the vibrations was propelling Mr Fusspot backwards across the shiny marble.
People in the audience craned their necks as, with tail wagging, the little dog passed behind Vetinari's chair and disappeared behind the curtains on the opposite side.
I'm in a world where that just happened, Moist thought. Nothing matters. It was an insight of incredible liberation.
'Mr Lipwig, I asked you a question,' Slant growled.
'Oh, sorry. I was a crook'... and he flew! This was it! This was better than hanging off some old building! Look at the expression on Cosmo's face! Look at Cribbins! They had it all planned out, and now it had got away from them. He had them all in his hand, and he was flying!
Slant hesitated. 'By crook you mean - '
'Confidence trickster. Occasional forgery. I'd like to think I was more of a scallywag, to be frank.'
Moist saw the looks that passed between Cosmo and Cribbins, and exulted within. No, this wasn't supposed to happen, was it? And now you're going to have to run to keep up...
Mr Slant was certainly having trouble in that area. 'Can I be clear here? You broke the law for a living?'
'Mostly I took advantage of other people's greed, Mr Slant. I think there was an element of education, too.'
Mr Slant shook his head in amazement, causing an earwig to fall, with a keen sense of the appropriate, out of his ear.
'Education?' he said.
'Yes. A lot of people learned that no one sells a real diamond ring for one tenth of its value.'
'And then you stepped into one of the highest public offices in the city?' said Mr Slant, above the laughter. It was a release. People had been holding their breath for too long.
'I had to. It was that or be hanged,' said Moist, and added: 'again.'
Mr Slant looked flustered, and turned his eyes to Vetinari.
'Are you sure you wish me to continue, my lord?'
'Oh yes,' said Vetinari. 'To the death, Mr Slant.'