Monstrous Regiment (Discworld 31) - Page 154

"It's not going to come to that," said Polly firmly.

The sky was red. The war was a day away.

Polly crept along just below the ridge with the tea can. It was tea that kept the army on its feet. Remember what's real... well, that took some doing. Tonker and Lofty, for example. It didn't matter which of them was on guard, the other one would be there as well. And there they were, sitting side by side on a fallen tree, staring down the slope. They were holding hands. They always held hands, when they thought they were alone. But it seemed to Polly that they didn't hold hands like people who were, well, friends. They held hands tightly, as someone who has slipped over a cliff would hold hands with a rescuer, fearing that to let go would be to fall away.

"Tea up!" she quavered.

The girls turned, and she dipped a couple of mugs into the scalding tea.

"You know," she said quietly, "no one would hate you if you ran away tonight."

"What do you mean, Ozz?" said Lofty.

"Well, what's there in Kneck for you? You got away from the School. You could go anywhere. I bet the two of you could sneak - "

"We're staying," said Tonker severely. "We talked about it. Where else would we go? Anyway, supposing something is following us?"

"Probably just an animal," said Polly, who didn't believe it herself.

"Animals don't do that," said Tonker. "And I don't think Maladict would get so excited. It's probably more spies. Well, we'll get them."

"Nobody is going to take us back," said Lofty.

"Oh. Er... good," said Polly, backing away. "Well, must get on, no one likes cold tea, eh?"

She hurried round the hill. Whenever Lofty and Tonker were together, she felt like a trespasser.

Wazzer was on guard in a small dell, watching the land below with her usual expression of slightly worrying intensity. She turned as Polly approached.

"Oh, Polly," said Wazzer. "Good news!"

"Oh, good," said Polly weakly. "I like good news."

"She says it will be all right for us not to wear our dimity scarves," said Wazzer.

"What? Oh. Good," said Polly.

"But only because we are serving a Higher Purpose," said Wazzer. And, just as Blouse could invert commas, Wazzer could drop capital letters into a spoken sentence.

"That's good, then," said Polly.

"You know, Polly," said Wazzer, "I think the world would be a lot better if it was run by women. There wouldn't be any wars. Of course, the Book would consider such an idea a Dire Abomination Unto Nuggan. It may be in error. I shall consult the Duchess. Bless this cup that I may drink of it," she added.

"Er, yes," said Polly, and wondered what she should dread more: Maladict suddenly turning into a ravening monster, or Wazzer reaching the end of whatever mental journey she was taking. She'd been a kitchen maid and now she was subjecting the Book to critical analysis and talking to a religious icon. That sort of thing led to friction. The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to those who think they've found it.

Besides, she thought as she watched Wazzer drink, you only thought the world would be better if it was run by women if you didn't actually know many women. Or old women, at least. Take the whole thing about the dimity scarves. Women had to cover their hair on Fridays, but there was nothing about this in the Book, which was pretty dar - pretty damn rigorous about most things. It was just a custom. It was done because it was always done. And if you forgot, or didn't want to, the old women got you. They had eyes like hawks. They could practically see through walls. And the men took notice, because no man wanted to cross the crones in case they started watching him, so half-hearted punishment would be dealt out. Whenever there was an execution, and especially when there was a whipping, you always found the grannies in the front row, sucking peppermints.

Polly had forgotten her dimity scarf. She did wear it at home on Fridays, for no other reason than that it was easier than not doing so. She vowed that, if ever she got back, she'd never do it again...

"Er... Wazz?" she said.

"Yes, Polly?"

"You've got a direct line to the Duchess, have you?"

"We talk about things," said Wazzer dreamily.

"You, er, couldn't raise the question of coffee, could you?" said Polly wretchedly.

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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