"Oh, the bright ones know the old days can"t come back."
"Ah, well, that"s always the trick, isn"t it? Finding the bright ones?" Vimes put on his helmet. "And what"re the dwarfs like?"
"The future Low King is considered pretty clever, your grace. Mhm."
"How does he stand on Ankh-Morpork?"
"He can take Ankh-Morpork or leave it alone, your grace. On balance, I believe he doesn"t much like us."
"I thought it was Albrecht who didn"t like us?"
"No, your grace. Albrecht is the one who would be happy to see Ankh-Morpork burned to the ground. Rhys merely wishes we didn"t exist."
"I thought he was one of the good guys!"
"Your Grace, I did hear you express some negative sentiments about Ankh-Morpork on the way here, mhm, mhm."
"Yes, but I live there! I"m allowed to! That"s patriotic!"
"Across the whole of the world, your grace, there inexplicably appear to be definitions of, mmph, mmhm, "good guy" which do not automatically mean "likes Ankh-Morpork". You will find out, I daresay. The other two are a lot easier to .deal with. It may have been the Lady Margolotta who tried the little trick with the guards last night. She was the one who got me to bring you back, anyway. She has invited you for drinks."
"Oh."
"She"s a vampire, mmm, mmm."
"What?"
Inigo sighed. "Your grace, I thought you understood. Vampires are simply part of Uberwald. This is where they belong. I"m afraid this is something you will have to come to terms with. I understand that now they... obtain blood by arrangement. Some people are... impressed by a title, your grace."
"Good grief."
"Quite so. In any case, you will be safe. Remember your diplomatic immunity, mmm, mhm."
"I didn"t quite see that working in the Wilinus Pass the other day."
"Oh, they were common bandits."
"Really? Has your man Sleeps turned up? Haven"t you taken this to the Watch here?"
"There"s no Watch here, as you understand the term. You saw them. They"re... gate guards, enforcers for the city rulers, mhm, mmm, not officers of the law. But enquiries are being made."
"Does Sybil come with me for this bit?" said Vimes, and thought: we were guards like that, not so long ago...
"It is usually done by the new ambassador and his guards."
"Well, Detritus is staying here to keep an eye on her, all right? She said this morning she really thinks this place would be better for some decent. carpet, and there"s no stopping her when she"s in a tape-measure mood. I"ll take Cheery and one of the lads from outside, for the look of the thing. I assume you"re coming?"
"I won"t be required, sir. Mmm. The new coachman knows the way. Morporkian is the diplomatic language, after all, and... I shall be making enquiries." ;He sounds very well informed for a wolf," said Carrot. Angua almost snarled at him.
"He"s not stupid, you know. He can understand more than eight hundred words. A lot of humans get by on less! And he"s got a sense of smell that"s almost as good as mine! The wolves see everything. The werewolves are out all the time now. They"re chasing people down. The game, we call it. The wolves get the blame. It looks like they"re breaking the arrangement. And there"s been these meetings, right out in the forest where they think no one will see them. Some dwarfs have got some sort of nasty scheme by the sound of it. They asked Wolfgang for help! That"s like asking a vulture to pick your teeth."
"What can you do?" said Carrot. "If even your parents can"t control him - "
"We used to fight when we were younger. "Rough and tumble", he"d call it. But I could send him off howling. Wolfgang hates to think there"s anyone who can beat him, so I don"t think he"ll relish the thought of me turning up. He"s got plans. This part of Uberwald has always, well, worked because no one was too powerful, but if the dwarfs start squabbling amongst themselves then Wolfgang"s the lad to take advantage, with his stupid uniforms and his stupid flag."
"I don"t think I want to see you fighting, though."
"Then you can look the other way! I didn"t ask you to follow me! Do you think I"m proud of this? I"ve got a brother who"s a sheepdog!"