Carpe Jugulum (Discworld 23) - Page 288

'It got lost,' said Oats abruptly. Granny peered closer.

'Your magic amulet's gone too,' she said. 'The one with the turtle and the little man on it.'

'It's not a magic amulet, Mistress Weatherwax! Please! A magic amulet is a symbol of primitive and mechanistic superstition, whereas the Turtle of Om is... is... is... Well, it's not, do you understand?'

'Oh, right. Thank you for explaining,' said Granny. 'Help me up, will you?'

Oats was having some difficulty with his temper. He'd carried the old bit- biddy for miles, he was frozen to the bone, and now they were here she acted as if she'd somehow done him a favour.

'What's the magic word?' he snarled.

'Oh, I don't think a holy man like you should be having with magic words,' said Granny. 'But the holy words are: do what I tell you or get smitten. They should do the trick.'

He helped her to her feet, alive with badly digested rage, and supported her as she swayed.

There was a scream from the castle, suddenly cut off.

'Not female,' said Granny. 'I reckon the girls have started. Let's give 'em a hand, shall we?'

Her arm shook as she raised it. The wowhawk fluttered down and settled on her wrist.

'Now help get me to the gate.'

'Don't mention it, glad to be of service,' Oats mumbled. He looked at the bird, whose hood swivelled to face him.

'That's the... other phoenix, isn't it?' he said.

'Yes,' said Granny, watching the door. 'A phoenix. You can't have just one of anything.'

'But it looks like a little hawk.'

'It was born among hawks, so it looks like a hawk. If it was hatched in a hen roost it'd be a chicken. Stands to reason. And a hawk it'll remain, until it needs to be a phoenix. They're shy birds. You could say a phoenix is what it may become...'

'Too much eggshell...'

'Yes, Mister Oats. And when does the phoenix sometimes lay two eggs? When it needs to. Hodgesaargh was right. A phoenix is of the nature of birds. Bird first, myth second.'

The doors were hanging loose, their iron reinforcements twisted out of shape and their timbers smouldering, but some effort had been made to pull them shut. Over what remained of the arch, a bat carved in stone told visitors everything they needed to know about this place.

On Granny's wrist the hood of the hawk was crackling and smoking. As Oats watched, little flames erupted from the leather again.

'He knows what they did,' said Granny. 'He was hatched knowing. Phoenixes share their minds. And they don't tolerate evil.'

The head turned to look at Oats with its whitehot stare and, instinctively, he backed away and tried to cover his eyes.

'Use the doorknocker,' said Granny, nodding to the big iron ring hanging loosely from one splintered door.

'What? You want me to knock on the door? Of a vampire's castle?'

'We're not going to sneak in, are we? Anyway, you Omnians are good at knocking on doors.'

'Well, yes,' said Oats, 'but normally just for a shared prayer and to interest people in our pamphlets'  -  he let the knocker fall a few times, the boom echoing around the valley  -  'not to have my throat ripped out!'

'Think of this as a particularly difficult street,' said Granny. 'Try again... mebbe they're hidin' behind the sofa, eh?'

'Hah!'

'You're a good man, Mister Oats?' said Granny, conversationally, as the echoes died away. 'Even without your holy book and holy amulet and holy hat?'

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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