Small Gods (Discworld 13) - Page 312

Don't put your faith in gods. But you can believe in turtles.

A feeling of rushing wind in Brutha's mind, and a voice . . .

-obuggerbuggerbuggerhelpaarghnoNoNoAarghBuggerNONOAARGH-

Even Vorbis got a grip of himself. There had been just a moment, when he'd seen the eagle-but, no . . .

He extended his arms and smiled beatifically at the sky.

“I'm sorry,” said Brutha.

One or two people, who had been watching Vorbis closely, said later that there was just time for his expression to change before two pounds of tortoise, traveling at three meters a second, hit him between the eyes.

It was a revelation.

And that does something to people watching. For a start, they believe with all their heart.

Brutha was aware of feet running up the steps, and hands pulling at the chains.

And then a voice:

I. He is Mine.

The Great God rose over the Temple, billowing and changing as the belief of thousands of people flowed into him. There were shapes there, of eagle-headed men, and bulls, and golden horns, but they tangled and flamed and fused into one another.

Four bolts of fire whirred out of the cloud and burst the chains holding Brutha.

II. He Is Cenobiarch And Prophet of Prophets.

The voice of theophany rumbled off the distant mountains.

III. Do I Hear Any Objections? No? Good.

The cloud had by now condensed into a shimmering golden figure, as tall as the Temple. It leaned down until its face was a few feet away from Brutha, and in a whisper that boomed across the Place said:

IV. Don't Worry. This Is Just The Start. You and Me, Kid! People Are Going To Find Out What Wailing and Gnashing Of Teeth Really Is.

Another shaft of flame shot out and struck the Temple doors. They slammed shut, and then the white-hot bronze melted, erasing the commandments of the centuries.

V. What Shall It Be, Prophet?

Brutha stood up, unsteadily. Urn supported him by one arm, and Simony by the other.

“Mm?” he said, muzzily.

VI. Your Commandments?

“I thought they were supposed to come from you,” said Brutha. "I don't know if I can think of any . . .

The world waited.

“How about `Think for Yourself'?” said Urn, staring in horrified fascination at the manifestation.

“No,” said Simony. “Try something like `Social Cohesiveness is the Key to Progress.' ”

“Can't say it rolls off the tongue,” said Urn.

“If I can be of any help,” said Cut-Me-Own-Hand-Off Dhblah, from the crowd, “something of benefit to the convenience food industry would be very welcome.”

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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