Small Gods (Discworld 13) - Page 111

"But, I mean, we know the world is a ball, because . . .

The tortoise blinked.

“No, it's not,” he said. “Who said it's a ball?”

“You did,” said Brutha. Then he added: “According to Book One of the Septateuch, anyway.”

I've never thought like this before, he thought. I'd never have said “anyway.”

“Why'd the captain tell me something like that?” he said. “It's not normal conversation.”

“I told you, I never made the world,” said Om. “Why should I make the world? It was here already. And if I did make a world, I wouldn't make it a ball. People'd fall off. All the sea'd run off the bottom.”

“Not if you told it to stay on.”

“Hah! Will you hark at the man!”

“Besides, the sphere is a perfect shape,” said Brutha. "Because in the Book of-

“Nothing amazing about a sphere,” said the tortoise. “Come to that, a turtle is a perfect shape.”

“A perfect shape for what?”

“Well, the perfect shape for a turtle, to start with,” said Om. “If it was shaped like a ball, it'd be bobbing to the surface the whole time.”

“But it's a heresy to say the world is flat,” said Brutha.

“Maybe, but it's true.”

“And it's really on the back of a giant turtle?”

“That's right.”

“In that case,” said Brutha triumphantly, “what does the turtle stand on?”

The tortoise gave him a blank stare.

“It doesn't stand on anything,” it said. “It's a turtle, for heaven's sake. It swims. That's what turtles are for.”

“I . . . er . . . I think I'd better go and report to Vorbis,” said Brutha. “He goes very calm if he's kept waiting. What did you want me for? I'll try and bring you some more food after supper.”

“How are you feeling?” said the tortoise.

“I'm feeling all right, thank you.”

“Eating properly, that sort of thing?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Pleased to hear it. Run along now. I mean, I'm only your God. ” Om raised its voice as Brutha hurried off. "And you might visit more often!

“And pray louder, I'm fed up with straining!” he shouted.

Vorbis was still sitting in his cabin when Brutha puffed along the passage and knocked on the door. There was no reply. After a while, Brutha pushed the door open.

Vorbis did not appear to read. Obviously he wrote, because of the famous Letters, but no one ever saw him do it. When he was alone he spent a lot of time staring at the wall, or prostrate in prayer. Vorbis could humble himself in prayer in a way that made the posturings of power-mad emperors look subservient.

“Um,” said Brutha, and tried to pull the door shut again.

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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