Small Gods (Discworld 13) - Page 64

“It's a bloody eagle is what it is,” said a resigned voice from somewhere among the ornamental bronze homicide at the base of the statue.

“Dates? Figs? Sherbets? Holy relics? Nice fresh indulgences? Lizards? Onna stick?” said the man with the tray hopefully.

“I thought when He appeared in the world it was as a swan or a bull,” said the wooden-legged man.

“Hah!” said the unregarded voice of the tortoise.

“Always wondered about that,” said a young novice at the back of the crowd. “You know . . . well . . . swans? A bit . . . lacking in machismo, yes?”

“May you be stoned to death for blasphemy!” said the woman hotly. “The Great God hears every irreverent word you utter!”

“Hah!” from under the statue. And the man with the tray oiled forward a little further, saying, “Klatchian Delight? Honeyed wasps? Get them while they're cold!”

“It's a point, though,” said the elderly man, in a kind of boring, unstoppable voice. “I mean, there's something very godly about an eagle. King of birds, am I right?”

“It's only a better-looking turkey,” said the voice from under the statue. “Brain the size of a walnut.”

“Very noble bird, the eagle. Intelligent, too,” said the elderly man. “Interesting fact: eagles are the only birds to work out how to eat tortoises. You know? They pick them up, flying up very high, and drop them on to the rocks. Smashes them right open. Amazing.”

“One day,” said a dull voice from down below, “I'm going to be back on form again and you're going to be very sorry you said that. For a very long time. I might even go so far as to make even more Time just for you to be sorry in. Or . . . no, I'll make you a tortoise. See how you like it, eh? That rushing wind around y'shell, the ground getting bigger the whole time. That'd be an interesting fact!”

“That sounds dreadful,” said the woman, looking up at the eagle's glare. “I wonder what passes through the poor little creature's head when he's dropped?”

“His shell, madam,” said the Great God Om, trying to squeeze himself even further under the bronze overhang.

The man with the tray was looking dejected. “Tell you what,” he said. “Two bags of sugared dates for the price of one, how about it? And that's cutting my own hand off.”

The woman glanced at the tray.

“Ere, there's flies all over everything!” she said.

“Currants, madam.”

“Why'd they just fly away, then?” the woman demanded.

The man looked down. Then he looked back up into her face.

“A miracle!” he said, waving his hands dramatically. “The time of miracles is at hand!”

The eagle shifted uneasily.

It recognized humans only as pieces of mobile landscape which, in the lambing season in the high hills, might be associated with thrown stones when it stooped upon the newborn lamb, but which otherwise were as unimportant in the scheme of things as bushes and rocks. But it had never been so close to so many of them. Its mad eyes swiveled backward and forward uncertainly.

At that moment trumpets rang out across the Place.

The eagle looked around wildly, its tiny predatory mind trying to deal with this sudden overload.

It leapt into the air. The worshipers fought to get out of its way as it dipped across the flagstones and then rose majestically toward the turrets of the Great Temple and the hot sky.

Below it, the doors of the Great Temple, each one made of forty tons of gilded bronze, opened by the breath (it was said) of the Great God Himself, swung open ponderously and-and this was the holy part-silently.

Brutha's enormous sandals flapped and flapped on the flagstones. Brutha always put a lot of effort into running; he ran from the knees, lower legs thrashing like paddlewheels.

This was too much. There was a tortoise who said he was the God, and this couldn't be true except that it must be true, because of what it knew. And he'd been tried by the Quisition. Or something like that. Anyway, it hadn't been as painful as he'd been led to expect.

“Brutha!”

The square, normally alive with the susurration of a thousand prayers, had gone quiet. The pilgrims had all turned to face the Temple.

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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