“Ah,” he said. “Uh. Urn. Well, well, well. Number two, eh?”
“I try harder,” said Casanunda.
Verence looked around guiltily, and then bent down until his mouth was level with the dwarfs ear.
“Could I have a word with you in a minute or two?”
The Lancre Morris Men got together again for the first time at the reception. They found it hard to talk to one another. Several of them jigged up and down absentmindedly as they talked.
“All right,” said Jason, “anyone remember? Really remember?”
“I remember the start,” said Tailor the other weaver.
“Definitely remember the start. And the dancing in the woods. But the Entertainment-”
“There was elves in it,” said Tinker the tinker. “That's why it all got buggered up,” said Thatcher the carter. “There was a lot of shouting, too.”
“There was someone with horns on,” said Carter, “and a great big-”
“It was all,” said Jason, “a bit of a dream.”
“Hey, look over there, Carter,” said Weaver, winking at the others, “there's that monkey. You've got something to ask it, ain't you?”
Carter blinked. “Coo, yes,” he said.
“Shouldn't waste a golden opportunity if I was you,” said Weaver, with the happy malice often shown by the clever to the simple.
The Librarian was chatting to Ponder and the Bursar. He looked around as Carter prodded him.
“You've been over to Slice, then, have you?” he said, in his cheery open way.
The Librarian gave him a look of polite incomprehension.
“Oook?”
Carter looked perplexed.
“That's where you put your nut, ain't it?”
The Librarian gave him another odd look, and shook his head.
“Oook.”
“Weaver!” Carter shouted, “the monkey says he didn't put his nut where the sun don't shine! You said he did! You didn't, did you? He said you did.” He turned to the Librarian. “He didn't. Weaver. See, I knew you'd got it wrong. You're daft. There's no monkeys in Slice.”
Silence flowed outward from the two of them.
Ponder Stibbons held his breath.
“This is a lovely party,” said the Bursar to a chair, “I wish I was here.”
The Librarian picked up a large bottle from the table. He tapped Carter on the shoulder. Then he poured him a large drink and patted him on the head.
Ponder relaxed and turned back to what he was doing. He'd tied a knife to a bit of string and was gloomily watching it spin round and round . . .
On his way home that night Weaver was picked up by a mysterious assailant and dropped into the Lancre. No one ever found out why. Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, especially simian ones. They're not all that subtle.
Others went home that night.