Lords and Ladies (Discworld 14) - Page 285

“Oook ook eek. Ook! Ook!”

“Cough, Julia! Over the bender!” said the Bursar.

“I didn't understand what the Librarian said,” said Magrat.

“Um. We were all present at an interdimensional rip,” said Ponder. “Caused by belief. The play was the last little thing that opened it up. There must have been a very delicate area of instability very close. It's hard to describe, but if you had a rubber sheet and some lead weights I could demonstrate-”

“You're trying to tell me those . . . things exist because people believe in them?”

“Oh, no. I imagine they exist anyway. They're here because people believe in them here.”

“Ook.”

“He ran off with us. They shot an arrow at him.”

“Eeek.”

“But it just made him itch.”

“Ook.”

“Normally he's as gentle as a lamb. Really he is.”

“Ook.”

“But he can't abide elves. They smell wrong to him.”

The Librarian flared his nostrils.

Magrat didn't know much about jungles, but she thought about apes in trees, smelling the rank of the tiger. Apes never admired the sleek of the fur and the bum of the eye, because they were too well aware of the teeth of the

mouth.

“Yes,” she said, “I expect they would. Dwarfs and trolls hate them, too. But I think they don't hate them as much as I do.”

“You can't fight them all,” said Ponder. “They're swarming like bees up there. There's flying ones, too. The Librarian says they made people get fallen trees and things and push those, you know, those stones down? There were some stones on the hill. They attacked them. Don't know why.”

“Did you see any witches at the Entertainment?” said Magrat.

“Witches, witches . . .” muttered Ponder.

“You couldn't have missed them,” said Magrat. “There'd be a thin one glaring at everyone and a small fat one cracking nuts and laughing a lot. And they'd be talking to each other very loudly. And they'd both have tall pointy hats.”

“Can't say I noticed them,” said Ponder.

“Then they couldn't have been there,” said Magrat. “Being noticed is what being a witch is all about.” She was about to add that she'd never been good at it, but didn't. Instead she said: “I'm going on up there.”

“You'll need an army, miss. I mean, you'd have been in trouble just now if the Librarian hadn't been up in the trees.”

“But I haven't got an army. So I'm going to have to try by myself, aren't I?”

This time Magrat managed to spur the horse into a gallop.

Ponder watched her go.

“You know, folksongs have got a lot to answer for,” he said to the night air.

“Oook.”

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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