Lords and Ladies (Discworld 14) - Page 256

“Jason, you don't mean-”

“. . . back, two . . . do it. . . ”

“Carter's getting . . . one, two . . . out of wind . . .”

“. . . two, spin. . .”

“The accordion's melting, Jason,” sobbed Carter.

“. . . one, two, forward . . . bean setting!”

The accordion wheezed. The elves pressed in. Out of the corner of his eye Jason saw a dozen grinning, fascinated faces.

“Jason!”

“. . . one, two . . . Carter into the middle . . . one, two, spin. . .”

Seven pairs of boots thudded down . . .

“Jason!”

“. . . one, two . . . spin . . . ready . . . one, two . . . back . . . back . . . one, two . . . turn . . . KILL . . . and back, one, two. . .”

The inn was a wreck. The elves had stripped it of everything edible and rolled out every barrel, although a couple of rogue cheeses in the cellar had put up quite a fight.

The table had collapsed. Lobster claws and candlesticks lay among the ruined meal.

Nothing moved.

Then someone sneezed, and some soot fell into the empty grate, followed by Nanny Ogg and, eventually, by the small, black, and irate figure of Casanunda.

“Yuk,” said Nanny, looking around at the debris. “This really is the pips.”

“You should have let me fight them!”

“There were too many of them, my lad.”

Casanunda threw his sword on the floor in disgust.

“We were just getting to know one another properly and fifty elves burst into the place! Damn! This kind of thing happens to me all the time!”

“That's the best thing about black, it doesn't show the soot,” said Nanny Ogg vaguely, dusting herself off. “They managed it, then. Esme was right. Wonder where she is? Oh, well. Come on.”

“Where're we going?” said the dwarf.

“Down to my cottage.”

“Ah!”

“To get my broomstick,” said Nanny Ogg firmly. “I ain't having the Queen of the Fairies ruling my children. So we'd better get some help. This has gone too far.”

“We could go up into the mountains,” said Casanunda, as they crept down the stairs. “There's thousands of dwarfs up there.”

“No,” said Nanny Ogg. “Esme won't thank me for this, but I'm the one who has to wave the bag o' sweets when she overreaches herself . . . and I'm thinking about someone who really hates the Queen.”

“You won't find anyone who hates her worse than dwarfs do,” said Casanunda.

“Oh, you will,” said Nanny Ogg, “if you knows where to look.”

Tags: Terry Pratchett Discworld Fantasy
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