Stella slipped out of the door past her mother’s Egyptian bodyguard and back to her final mission.
Chapter 15
Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jose tugged off his combat boots. He and Stella had twenty minutes—tops—to change into more formal gear and get back to work security for the outdoor festival. Her head had to be reeling after the confrontation with her mother, but Stella had stayed silent during the bus ride from the airport to their quarters.
Not that he’d expected her to talk about it in front of his team and other operatives. And now that they were alone? She was still putting up walls, and he needed to get through to her before they launched this last phase of the mission. Especially when she’d made it so clear she was ready to be done.
Frustration simmered on so many levels. Somebody should have his head examined for planning an outdoor celebration in this volatile region. But he went where he was sent, carried out the assignments he was given. He didn’t know any other way to live. He was fast realizing he didn’t know how he could live without Stella in his life. These past days together again had to mean something to her too. Why couldn’t she recognize that?
He thumbed the buttons on his sweaty ABU—Airman Battle Uniform. He would change back into the same digital camo uniform, but a clean version with a bulletproof vest and his maroon beret. His role dictated he stand out as a security force. Stella, on the other hand, would be blending in.
She pinned her braid into a bun on the back of her head. She wore her standard black pants and tank top, her bulletproof vest, and a kanga resting beside her on a chair. He recognized that length of cloth well. He’d bought it for her on their last date.
God, how could they be so good together and so wrong for each other? But without a doubt, he couldn’t miss the sadness on her face. He pulled off his sweat-stained uniform and reached for a fresh set, tugging on his pants, his eyes never leaving her.
She reached for her Kevlar vest and stopped short. “Is there a problem?”
“Problem? Hell yes, there’s a problem.” He closed the two feet between them, taking the vest from her hand and tossing it aside. He cupped her face. “I don’t know how I’m going to walk away from you again.”
She blinked in surprise, then more of that sadness flooded her green eyes. “Maybe we were destined to fail from the start since we’re so different. You get along with everyone, and I don’t know how to be anyone’s friend.”
Surprise rocked him to his socks. “Why would you say that?”
“Forget about it.” She eased his hands down. “Could you please stop trying to be so nice? We can’t just pretend to be friends, or even just pick up where we left off. And I’m in a crummy place today after talking to my mother, too bad a mood to fake it.”
There she went putting up those walls again. “I know. And I want to be supportive.”
She tugged on her bulletproof vest like armor against him as well as the rest of the world. “The best thing you can do for me is to back away.”
He touched her shoulder.
She shrugged his hand aside. “You’re not listening to me. I. Need. Space.”
“Damn it, Stella, let me spell it out for you.” An image of her out there in the line of fire in her current unsteady state scared the shit out of him. “I care about you. I’m worried about you going in the line of fire in this mood. This region isn’t safe, so you don’t have the luxury of ‘space.’”
“You forget I’m a trained agent.” She strapped on her 9 mm for easy access and a right-hand draw.
“Lot of good that did when you got taken by warlords and had to call me to save your ass.”
“That’s not fair.”
Gut-twisting fear for her safety pushed him past the point of measuring his words. “Nothing that’s happened between us has been remotely fair. Our relationship feels like one big cosmic irony, a guy who never wants to get married falling for a woman craving a white picket fence and babies.”
“Don’t you dare mock me,” she said, standing toe to toe with him.
“Mock you? I’m trying to help you because I love you.” The words burned like raw alcohol in his gut. “You don’t seem to get it. You broke my heart. Not some flowery, romantic sob story. It’s messy and painful. Let me say it again, clearer. You broke my f**king heart.”
“Oh God, Jose, I’m sorry.” Her face softened and she swayed toward him. “You know that I love you too.”
“Fine.” Like that made a bit of difference.
“You don’t believe me?”
“Oh, I believe you.” His laughter hurt. Hell, even his toenails hurt. “I thought we were going to be together for the rest of our lives. My world made sense for the first time, and it felt good, so damn good to think past one day at a time. To think beyond just making it to the end of the day without taking a drink.”
Sighing, she clapped a hand over her face. “Jose, haven’t we torn each other up enough already?”
“Apparently not.”