“Don’t die,” he says lowly, his voice cracking a little.
“I won’t,” I promise, hoping I’m telling the truth.
“I mean it,” he says. “I can’t take anything happening to you.”
“I know,” I say, grabbing on to his forearms, holding him holding me.
“Take your damn EpiPen to school,” he says.
I laugh, a quick exhale. “I will.”
“And stay away from bees,” he continues. “In fact, just stay inside.”
“Okay,” I say, laughing again.
“And…” Matt moves closer; his face is inches from mine. “Stay.”
It’s like a punch to the chest; tears fill my eyes. Matt’s expression is so raw, so brutally honest, I want to find a reason to look away.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
“I know,” he says.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a tight embrace. I’m leaning sideways over the center console and the gearshift is digging into my hip and still, I’d stay like this for hours if I could. I’ve never been more comfortable. I’ve never been warmer. Here in Matt’s arms, I’m reminded again:
I’ve never belonged anywhere but here.
forty-four
Nomadic as I am, I try hard to see the positives about our new hometown of Alameda, California. A little island between Oakland and San Francisco, Alameda is the sort of homey place that a person could really love… if her heart wasn’t stuck somewhere in Middle America.
And yet, I try. Touring the city, I make mental lists of Alameda’s pros:
1. The weather.
2. The updated main street, boasting places like hip clothing stores, an indie bookseller, and a vintage ice-cream shop all on the same block.
3. The intimate beach with a clear view of San Francisco’s skyline that Matt would love…
It’s hard to keep my head in this state. But Mason does his best to help.
When we drive into town two days before I start tenth grade for what I hope is the last time, he pulls into a driveway I mistake for someone else’s.
“Are you lost?” I ask, looking at the Victorian that could be a movie set.
“Nope,” he says, smiling and craning his neck to see the top of the three-story dwelling.
“Mason, are you messing with me?” I ask, eyeing the wraparound porch skeptically.
“I’m not messing with you,” he says, laughing. “It’s bigger than we need, but it’s a historic home and I like it. Plus, you never know—our family might grow someday.”
Before I have time to ask more about that last statement, Mason jumps out and heads up the front steps. He waves at me to follow.
When I walk through the door, I’m awestruck. For what Mason reports is over a century, this home was clearly loved. And why not? There’s dark wood trim and paneling along the grand staircase. There are built-in library shelves that make me want to live right in the sitting room. The kitchen is bright and airy, with modern appliances; the living room is massive. And there are five bedrooms. “I get my own bathroom,” I say. “And look at this closet!”
“You like it?” Mason asks sheepishly, as if the house is a gift he’s giving me. I guess in a way, it is.
“It’s awesome,” I say before taking a moment to look out each of my three bedroom windows.