“I know,” Matt says. “I know what you mean.”
“I miss her,” I say quietly. He doesn’t reply. His mom says something to him in the background.
“Listen, I’ve got to go,” he says. “Can I call you back?”
“Sure,” I say, my voice blatantly disappointed.
“Okay, I will. Bye.”
Matt hangs up before I have the chance to say goodbye.
forty
I check the time on my phone: Mason’s flight is taking off in a few minutes. At least Cassie will be back from the airport soon to rescue me from loneliness. Then again, having her around doesn’t necessarily feel like company.
Frustrated by the feeling that I’m losing Matt more by the day, I grab a book and jog downstairs. I consider flopping onto the dingy couch in the living room, then turn instead toward the back of the house. Through the picture window, I see a line of trees acting as a fence for the property line. The middle one has a lovely reading spot beneath it. Fresh air calls.
I grab a blanket, bang out the back door, and stomp across the patio and the grass. It’s snowing in other parts of the country and here it’s still seventy degrees out; it’s strange to be in such a season-less place. As I walk farther away from the house, the grass gets more and more overgrown until it’s up to midcalf, just before the tree line. I throw down the blanket and ease to a sitting position, my back against tree bark.
I open my book and try to read, but I’m distracted by everything; the words don’t make sense. After rereading the first page three times, I give up. I set the book down on the blanket next to me, lean my head back, and close my eyes. Right when I’m starting to unwind, my ringtone makes me jump. I pull the phone out of my pocket; my stomach flips when I see that it’s Matt.
“You called back,” I say.
“I said I would,” Matt says softly. “You didn’t think I was going to call?”
“I… no,” I admit.
“I’m sorry,” Matt says. “I’m sorry for not replying or calling. It’s been hard. But I realized after I talked to you earlier that you’re the one person on earth who makes it better.”
I cover my mouth with my fingers and speak through them: “Wow,” I say.
“What?”
“Sorry,” I say, moving my hand back to the blanket. “I said ‘wow.’ I mean… that’s how I feel about you. Like if we could be near each other all the time, it would make it better.”
“I know,” Matt says. “I mean, you have the craziest life of anyone I’ve ever heard of, but you’re the only one who makes me feel calm and sane.”
We listen to each other breathe for a few moments.
“Do you want to talk about Audrey?” I ask.
“Not really,” he says. “My parents are making me go to a counselor. All I do is talk about Audrey.”
“I understand,” I say, wanting to change the subject. “So… are you on your way back to school?”
“Not yet,” Matt says. “I came home to take my mom to an appointment. Her car’s in the shop. After I pick her up I’ll head back. I’ll miss a little of next period, but no biggie. Half of another class after all I’ve missed won’t matter.”
“Yeah,” I say quietly.
There’s a lull in the conversation before he adds: “When my mom calls, I’ll have to go again.”
“Okay, no problem,” I say quickly.
“But I promise to call back,” he says, a hint of playfulness in his voice.
“You’d better.”
Pause.