On the plane, I turn on my most miserable playlist and speak to no one the entire flight. In fact, I pretend to be asleep once we’re in the air, and keep pretending through snack service and turbulence. Just before we land, I finally remove my earbuds and put away my iPod. The flight attendant says it’s okay to turn our phones back on, and I’m happy to find a text waiting from Audrey.
Audrey: Matt said you guys are fighting. Everything ok?
With fresh tears popping into my eyes, I write back:
Daisy: Not sure. Hope so.
Audrey: Me, too.
Daisy: Are you feeling okay?
Audrey: Oh yeah, fine. I was just tired.
There is a pause, then Audrey texts again:
Audrey: I don’t mean to downplay everything that’s going on in your life, but I have good news. Do you want to hear it?
Smiling, I type:
Daisy: YES!
Audrey’s giving me something to hold on to.
Audrey: Ok so I just found out that I’m getting surgery!!
I type:
Daisy: OMG that’s great!!!
But something’s nudging me, so I type:
Daisy: But, Aud, I thought they couldn’t operate?
Audrey: New doctor = more optimistic. Maybe he can fix me.
I desperately want to be happy for Audrey, but something about the possibility of surgery now, when it’s never been an option before, makes me feel skeptical. But I don’t want to be a downer.
Daisy: He will! Think positively!
Audrey: I’m trying.
Daisy: I’ve got fingers and toes crossed for you.
Audrey: Thanks, Dais. Have a great time in Seattle. Miss you already!
Daisy: Miss you, too.
I put away the phone and Mason looks over at me quizzically. His tall frame is squished into the aisle seat. Despite her height, Cassie has room to spare in the middle.
“Everything okay?” Mason asks.
“I’m not sure,” I say, pressing my head against the window as we pull up at the gate, incredibly thankful that my fellow travelers are a disinterested fembot and a man who’s never been one to pry.
We check in to the hotel, have dinner, and bid one another goodnight. After posting a response to Megan’s note about my theory that Monday morning is clearly better than Sunday night, I check my email.
There’s nothing from Matt.
I start a movie, but it’s a romantic comedy, and all it does is make me see how unfunny my life is. I turn it off and climb into bed hoping tomorrow will be a better day. Before I turn out the lights, I text Megan.