“Inculpate.”
“No clue.”
“I think it means to blame someone for something,” Matt says. “Or to teach? Or maybe the teaching one is inculcate.”
“What else?”
“There were some about books,” Matt continues. “Prologue and tome.”
“Too easy,” I say. “What was the challenge word?”
Mr. Jefferson likes to give us a challenge word of the day. If we get it right, we earn points. Enough points equals a free period.
“Halcyon,” Matt says.
“Halcyon,” I repeat. “Cool word. No clue what it means.”
“I didn’t know, either,” Matt says. “I guess we’ll find out tomorrow when the answer’s on the board.”
“Or we could look it up.” I sit up, shove off the bed, and walk across the room to the bookshelf. My books are cataloged by color, and my dictionary is in the red section along with a DIY book about home décor, two romances, a thriller, and The Lord of the Rings. I grab the dictionary and flip through until I find it.
“It’s a mythical bird,” I say. “Oh, or it’s an adjective meaning calm, peaceful, prosperous, joyful, or carefree.”
“Good word,” Matt says. “I’ll never forget it now.”
“Really?” I ask, shutting the dictionary and joining him back on my bed. This time I lie on my side, and either I’m closer to Matt or it just feels that way because I can see him better. “How come?”
“Because carefree, peaceful… those words reminds me of you,” Matt says without hesitation, surprising me with his frankness. He looks away from the ceiling and into my eyes; his gaze is like lightning. “That’s how I feel when I’m with you.”
In a flash, I know what I didn’t before: His words are more than flattering; they’re the answer to the questions I’ve been asking myself for days.
Does he like me as much as I like him?
Can I trust him?
Should I tell him?
Now I know. I have the answer.
Yes. Yes. Yes.
Wholeheartedly, absolutely, yes.
eighteen
“Uh…” Matt says, looking around Mason’s office a few minutes later. “What are we doing in here?”
“Sit down,” I say, gesturing to the chairs across from the massive desk. “Please,” I add, not wanting to sound bossy.
As I ease into the desk chair, I swallow down my anxiety and breathe deeply to calm myself. I try to focus on the positive side of the situation—that I feel so safe with Matt that I’m willing to risk everything—but the negatives muscle their way into my brain, too. I’m about to reveal a government secret that could have implications for nearly everyone I know. I’m getting ready to tell the guy I like that I’ve been lying to him. And finally, I’m about to tell the brother of a dying girl that there’s a drug that saves people… oh, but that his sister can’t have it.
It feels so overwhelming that for the blink of an eye, I consider backing out. But then I remember what Matt said:
Carefree, peaceful… those words remind me of you.
He has the right to know who I really am.
“Matt, there’s something I want to tell you,” I begin. “It’s about me. About my life.”