“They get it,” Matt says seriously. “There’s nothing for me to do but sit and stare at her. That drives her crazy. She told us all to leave her alone.”
“I can’t believe she didn’t tell me that she has cancer,” I say. “That’s a pretty huge secret to keep from your friends.” I’m distinctly aware of the irony of what I’m saying.
Matt glances at me again, warmly.
“It’s not like that, Daisy. It’s not like some great gossip she didn’t want to tell you. It’s just that her old friends sort of freaked and stopped hanging out with her when they found out.”
“That’s so bad,” I say.
“I mean, not all at once, but gradually. Everyone was supportive at first. But then she quit track and some of the clubs she was in and stuff, and she stopped partying. People stopped calling. You are Aud’s friend. In fact, I think you might be her only friend,” Matt says.
“She’s my only friend, too,” I say quietly, thinking to myself that since Megan is more of a sister, it’s not a lie. I turn to watch downtown Omaha materialize.
“Hey, what about me?” Matt jokes. “I’m your friend.”
I smile but don’t look at him. “Oh, right,” I tease. “I forgot about you.”
fourteen
It’s been two days since I last saw Audrey, and in that time, she’s aged. Matt and his parents let me see her alone, and when I walk into her bedroom, I have to fight off tears. Audrey’s lying on her back, eyes closed, arms at her sides. Her face looks ghostly, even compared to the white comforter, and I have no clue whether to stay or go. While considering my options, I scan the writing on Audrey’s chalkboard wall. There’s a new addition; a proverb:
Fall seven times, stand up eight.
I smile sadly; the rest of me is a statue. I look at Audrey’s face just before she opens her eyes.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“Why the hell are you whispering?” Audrey says loudly with a jovial laugh from the nest in her bed.
“I’m sorry I woke you,” I say in my regular voice.
“You didn’t,” she says. “I wasn’t asleep. I was meditating.”
“Ah,” I say, nodding and wondering if she’s joking. I shift from one foot to the other. I can’t decide if she’s putting on an act for me right now. I decide to cut to the chase.
“So, thanks for telling me you have cancer.”
Audrey laughs again. Even though she looks weak, her laugh is normal. I step farther into the room and sit down gingerly at her feet.
“Whoops,” she says.
“Whoops?” I ask.
Audrey shrugs. “For not telling you.”
“It’s okay,” I say. “I understand. But don’t worry, I’m not scared of you.”
“Thanks, Daisy,” she says softly.
“Are you feeling okay?” I ask.
“Actually, yeah. I’m feeling a lot better now. The hospital gave me some painkillers and I slept most of yesterday. Good stuff. Of course, even though I’m feeling better, my parents made me promise to stay in bed for another couple of days.”
I nod, not sure what to say next.
“I read your email a little while ago,” Audrey says. “Sorry for not getting back sooner. That sucks about your parents dragging you to Kansas City. Oh, but of course I wasn’t mad at you. How could you think that?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I just…” My voice trails off. “Anyway, I’m back.”