“Not tonight,” he says warmly. “This is a do-over.”
“Of what?”
“Of our first date,” he says, staring into my eyes. “We fell asleep; you forgot to write it down. I’ve told you about it. You’ve probably read about the morning after…”
My cheeks flush.
“… but you didn’t experience it. So I’m doing it again.”
“You’re awesome,” I say, without thinking too much about it. Luke grins sheepishly and heads to the back of the van to get some pizza.
After dinner and a movie, Luke suggests stargazing and I wholeheartedly agree. He rolls up the windows, since the night air is growing chilly, and we lie together under the blanket Luke thought to bring, staring up through the moonroof to the universe above.
“We should talk about it,” Luke says, face to the stars.
“About what?” I ask, but I think I know what he’s referring to.
“About you suggesting we break up.”
I scoot closer to him, if that’s possible.
“It’s not that I want to break up, I just said that it might be better. For you. It might change the future so that you don’t get killed.” I say the words without conviction.
“Being without you would never be better for me,” Luke says, facing me. His tone is serious. “Do you understand that?”
“Yes,” I say, because I do. Maybe I’m selfish, but I give in a little too easily. I don’t really want to let him go. Maybe deep down I have more faith in my ability to change things than I’m willing to admit.
“Then let’s forget all about it,” Luke says as he grabs my hand.
“Agreed,” I whisper, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
“So did you remember this night already?” he asks.
“Probably, but I guess I didn’t want to spoil it,” I say truthfully. “I didn’t include it in my notes.”
“And you remember the summer?” he asks.
“Yes,” I say quietly.
“That’s not fair,” he teases.
“Poor baby!” I say. “But you have things that I don’t. You remember when we met; I’ll never know what that felt like.”
Luke turns and kisses me gently and then a little more forcefully before we settle back to look at the stars. I snuggle close to the boy I don’t ever want to lose, hoping that somehow I’ll save him.
The memory of his death is still there, but so is hope. Right now, in Luke’s arms, I feel confident and capable. I will save this boy. I will know the man.
Luke and I stay nestled together until he nudges me.
“We’d better get going,” he says gently. I guess I dozed off. “I’m not letting you fall asleep without a note again.”
“Why not?” I ask, stretching. I kiss him on the cheek and add, with a sly smile, “You don’t have to worry, Luke. I’ll remember you in the morning.”
48
6/15 (Wed.)
Outfit: