As if he were apologizing to her in some way.
Renata lifted her chin, a coldness settling in her chest. "You want me to understand...what? That the life of one missing child means nothing in light of all this?"
He cursed softly under his breath. "No, Renata - "
"It's okay. I get it now, Nikolai." She couldn't keep the bitterness from her voice, not even when she was still struggling to absorb all of the staggering things she'd just heard. "Hey, no big deal. After all, you never actually agreed to anything with me and I'm used to being let down. Life's a bitch, right? It's just good to know where we both stand before we let this thing go any further."
"What's going on here, Renata?" He stared at her, his gaze too penetrating, as if he could see right through her. "Is this really about Mira? Or are you upset because of what's been happening between us?"
Us. The word stuck in her brain like a foreign object. It felt so unfamiliar, so dangerous. Far too intimate. There had never been an "us" for Renata. She'd always depended only herself, asking nothing of anyone. It was safer that way. Safer now too.
She'd broken her own rule when she went after Nikolai to enlist his help in finding Mira. Look what it had gotten her: a festering gunshot wound, crucial time lost, and not a single step closer to locating Mira. In fact, now that word was certainly out about her abetting Nikolai in his escape from Fabien's custody, she stood little hope of getting close to the vampire on her own. If Mira was in danger before, Renata might have just made things worse for the little girl.
"I have to get out of here," she said woodenly. "I've lost too much time already. I couldn't bear it if anything happens to that child because of me."
Worry and frustration made her push off from the bed. She stood up - too quickly.
Before she could take two steps away from Nikolai, her knees turned to jelly. Her vision went dark for a second and suddenly she was sinking, pitching forward. She felt strong arms cushion her, Nikolai's voice quiet beside her ear as he scooped her up and lifted her onto the bed.
"Stop fighting, Renata," he said as she came out of her faint and blinked up at him. Poised over her, he smoothed the backs of his fingers along the side of her face. So tender, so calming. "You don't need to run. You don't need to fight...not with me. You're safe with me, Renata."
She wanted to close her eyes and shut out his gentle words. She was so afraid to believe him, to trust. And she felt so guilty accepting his comfort knowing that a child could be suffering, probably crying for her in the dark and wondering why Renata had broken her promise.
"Mira's all that matters to me," she whispered. "I need to know that she's safe, and that she always will be."
Nikolai gave a solemn nod. "I know how much she means to you. And I know how hard it is for you to ask for help from someone. Jesus Christ, Renata...you willingly risked your life to break me out of that containment facility. I 'll never be able to repay you for what you did."
She turned her head on the pillow, unable to hold his piercing gaze. "Don't worry, you're under no obligation to me. You don't owe me a thing, Nikolai."
Warm fingers glided along her jaw. He cupped her chin in his palm and gently guided her face back to him. "I owe you my life. Where I come from, that's no small thing."
Renata's breath stilled as he looked into her eyes. She hated herself for the hope that was kindling in her heart - hope that she truly wasn't alone right now. Hope that this warrior would assure her that everything was going to work out, and that no matter what kind of monster had Mira, they would find her, and she was going to be all right.>Gideon shook his head. "Nope. And it wasn't the work of an assassin, either. Niko says Yakut's own son brought in a Rogue to kill his father. Unfortunately for Nikolai, Yakut's son has some kind of alliance with the Enforcement Agency. They hauled Niko in and threw him into a containment facility."
"What the fuck?" This time it was Sterling Chase who spoke up. Being a former Agent himself, he was as aware as any of the warriors in the room how unpleasant a visit to one of those Agency-managed Rogue holding tanks could be. "Since he's conscious enough to phone in, I assume he's not still being held there."
"He escaped somehow," Gideon said, "but I don't have all the details yet. I can tell you that there's a female involved, a Breedmate who was a member of Yakut's household. She's with Niko now."
Lucan didn't comment on that troublesome newsflash, although his dark expression probably spoke plainly enough for him. "Where are they?"
"In the city somewhere," Gideon replied. "Niko wasn't sure of the exact location, but he says they're secure for now. Are you ready for the real kicker?"
Lucan arched a brow. "For fuck's sake. There's more?"
"Afraid so. The guy who tossed Niko's ass in the containment facility and personally oversaw his torture? Apparently during one of his chattier moments, the son of a bitch admitted a connection to Dragos."
Chapter Twenty
Nikolai was in the middle of a cell phone conversation when Renata came out of the bathroom from her long, much-needed soak. She'd evidently fallen asleep in the tub at some point because the last thing she remembered was hearing Jack's voice in the garage apartment after Nikolai had gone out to meet him, and there was no sign of him now. She stepped into the room, her hair damp at the ends and clinging to her neck, her body wrapped in the towel Nikolai had set out for her.
She was groggy and achy, still overly warm, but the cool-water bath had been just what she'd needed. Nikolai's kiss hadn't been half bad either.
Speaking in low, confidential tones, he glanced over at her from where he sat straddling a folding chair near the card table in the center of the room, his pale blue eyes doing a quick but thorough head-to-toe scan of her body. There was an unmistakable heat in that brief gaze, but he was all business on the phone with what she could only assume was the Order back in Boston. Renata listened as he provided an efficient run-through of the circumstances of Yakut's murder, Lex and Fabien's apparent alliance, Mira's disappearance, and the containment facility escape that had brought Nikolai and Renata to Jack's place for temporary shelter.
From the sound of it, the male on the other end of the line - Lucan, she'd heard Nikolai call him - was concerned for their safety and glad they were both in one piece, although not at all pleased to hear that they were holed up at the mercy of a human. Nor did Lucan seem enthused about the fact that Nikolai was talking about helping Renata locate Mira. She could hear the deep voice on the other end of the line growl something about "Breedmate's problems" and "current mission objectives" as though the two were mutually exclusive.
The cursed response when Nikolai added that Renata was nursing a gunshot wound was audible all the way across the room. "She's tough," he said, glancing her way now, "but she took a pretty hard hit in the shoulder and it's not looking too healthy. It might be a good idea to arrange a pickup, take her into the Order's protection until everything shakes down up here."
Renata glared her disapproval and gave a shake of her head. Big mistake. Even that slight jostle made her vision swim, and it was all she could do to position her backside at the edge of the bed before her legs gave out beneath her. She dropped down onto the mattress, fighting off a vicious wave of cold sweats.