“But you need to understand that this feeling isn’t going away, for either of us. I understand you need some space, that you need to talk it out. But don’t for a second think that either of us is going to stop feeling this way. We’re fated to be together. I never believed in fate before we met, but it’s the damn truth.”
She bites her lip and then lays her cheek against my chest.
“I feel that way, too,” she whispers. “But I’ve been wrong in the past. I need some outside perspective.”
I stroke my hand through her hair, marveling at the miracle of this embrace, at the fact she still wants to be close to me.
Surely that must mean something.
Chapter Nine
Fiona
“Wait, so he planned on luring you to Paris?” Kelly says, running a hand through her short spiky blonde hair.
I sigh, nodding, even if I don’t like the word lure very much. It makes it sound so sneaky and nefarious and cruel, but that’s not what I feel when I’m with Forrest.
He lied to me, yes, but he told me almost right away.
He could’ve kept it a secret for much longer.
But then, we did things together, intimate things, before he told me.
Shouldn’t I want to rage and scream and cry?
I’m sitting on the balcony with my laptop open on the video call, the late-afternoon sun making the city look red and purple in turns.
Forrest is out attending to some business, giving me some space, and even after a couple of hours, I feel my body aching with need for him.
“Yeah, basically,” I say.
Kelly sighs and strokes her chin, a gesture I recognize from countless times during our childhood. It’s stress and curiosity and anxiety and contemplation rolled into one.
“Well?” I blurt, when she just goes on with her chin-rubbing.
I’d like to talk with Mom as well, but she’s working a double shift at the restaurant and won’t be back until their late, which will be the early hours of the morning for me. I’m lucky that Kelly has a day off.
“You know it’s an extremely weird, creepy thing to do, right?”
I sigh, leaning back in my chair.
“Please don’t call him weird or creepy, Kelly.”
“What?” she says, her eyebrows shooting up like a cartoon character. “Am I missing something here? Did he or did he not create a fake magazine advertisement to lure you to Paris?”
“Stop saying lure,” I snap. “Yes, yes, okay? Yes, but it’s not the way you’re trying to make it sound. He did it because he wanted to be with me, and he was scared of his feelings, and—”
“I’m lost,” Kelly says. “I thought you said you two didn’t know each other?”
“We don’t,” I murmur. “Well, I feel – we feel – like we do. We feel close, connected. It doesn’t really make sense. When I saw him yesterday, I felt all these crazy emotions. I thought it was just the writer side of myself running away with me, letting crazy ideas into my head. But then he reciprocated them. He feels the same. We’re … We’re planning on being together, Kelly.”
Kelly frowns and stares at me. After a few moments, I touch the mousepad to check that the screen hasn’t frozen.
“Well?” I say.
“I’m trying to process it,” Kelly says. “It’s a lot to take in, Fi.”
I take a sip of my tea and close my eyes, taking a deep breath.
I let the steam make its way around my body, spreading shadowy hands.
I know my response should be something similar to Kelly’s. I should be wracked with outrage and shock and maybe a sense of betrayal.
But I just can’t bring myself to hate Forrest in that way.
Even if it’s only been a day for me, and three months for him, it feels like so much more.
No, that’s not fair. It hasn’t been three months for him, not really, because we never even spoke. It’s been a day for both of us with some longing from afar mixed in.
I try to imagine what it would be like to watch Forrest from a distance, to harbor a secret need in my heart but also be terrified by what that need could do to me.
It must’ve been awful for him.
But I should feel repulsed, scared, worried … Shouldn’t I?
All I know right now is that I wish he was here. I wish his strong arms were wrapped around my body, squeezing me close to him the same way he did on the rooftop as if any second we could both melt in the sun and sink into each other.
“Sis,” Kelly says, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Sorry,” I sigh. “What did you say?”
She laughs. “I said you’re smitten with this guy, and I think you just proved me right. You were thinking about him, weren’t you? I could tell. You were getting this dreamy expression on your face.”