“You here is all I need.”
When I was five, my biological mom died. There was a funeral, but my dad said he felt it was best for me not to attend. We visited her grave once, but I don’t remember it, and I haven’t been back since then. When I was eight, my great-grandma passed away, but once again, wanting to shelter me, my dad and mom insisted Georgia and I stay home. So, at twenty-one years old, I’ve just attended my first funeral, and if this is part of growing up, I must admit, I’m not a fan of getting older. To say it was sad would be a gross understatement. Gavin’s wish was to be cremated, so Alec and Lacie picked out a lovely wooden urn that was placed for everyone to see. Georgia created the most beautiful slideshow of images and videos Lacie and Mila gave her. I had some images blown up, and since I couldn’t sleep, I painted a portrait of Alec and his dad, which Alec insisted be shown. His stepmom read a poem, and Alec spoke of fond memories he had with his dad.
When the funeral was over, everybody went back to Mila and Mason’s home. I’m not sure what the point of it was. Maybe to reminisce? I don’t really know. Food and drinks were brought in, but most people didn’t eat. Everyone gave their condolences to Alec and Lacie, and eventually one by one people trickled out.
From beginning to end, Alec’s had me by his side. Even the last four nights he’s slept in my bed with me. He holds me close until he thinks I’ve fallen asleep, and then he cries softly into my chest for hours. Alec has taken some personal time off work and hasn’t said when he plans to return. We haven’t discussed what happened between us the night of the concert. It’s as if, with the death of his father, everything between us went back to normal. It solidifies why we can’t ever be together. We need each other too much, and we can’t gamble what we have, in hope of something more.
Now, the funeral is over, the meals everyone made for Lacie are in her fridge, and we’re back home. For the first time in days, there’s nothing to do. No funeral to plan, no pictures to create. It’s done. Gavin is gone, and he isn’t coming back. All that’s left is for everyone to start living their new life, one without Gavin in it.
Alec has been quiet since we got home, and I imagine he’s struggling with this next part. Now that everything is calm, there’s nothing for him to do to keep busy. He excused himself to shower the second we walked through the door, and when he got out, he went straight to his room to get dressed, closing the door behind him. I thought about knocking to see if he’s okay, but if he wanted or needed me, he wouldn’t have shut the door, or he would’ve opened it back up after he got dressed.
Chase is sitting on the couch—which now seems to be his new, permanent bed—messing with his cell phone, and Georgia’s next to him texting on her phone—probably with Robert.
Unable to take the silence another second, I stand, needing to get out of here. “I’m gonna head to the beach.” I haven’t been since Alec called me with the news of his father passing away. I left my board there, and Jason texted me to let me know he would hold onto it for me.
“You’re going to leave Alec?” Georgia asks, her brows furrowed in confusion.
“He obviously needs some time to himself.” I nod toward his closed door. “I’ll be back in a few hours.”
After changing into my bikini and grabbing my wetsuit and keys, I head to the beach. I send Jason a text, and he replies that he’s already there and has my board.
With the daylight limited, when I get to the beach, after getting Aiden some food and bringing it to him, I don’t waste any time putting on my wetsuit and getting my board from Jason. He tries to bring us up, but I shake my head, telling him I can’t do this right now. Thankfully, he doesn’t push. I spend the next couple hours in the water. Paddling out and riding in. The waves are good, but it wouldn’t matter if they weren’t. I needed this. To feel the saltwater against my skin. To be out in the Pacific Ocean with nothing but the water and my board.
When I finally decide to take a quick break and grab a drink, I notice Alec is sitting in the sand. His knees are bent with his arms around them. His sandals are next to him, and his toes are digging into the wet sand.