I see that blouse trapped on the rocks. I see the black below it--the dress trousers she always wore. I see one shoe. One bare foot, pale against the dark water. I see her arms, her hands, equally pale. I see the brown and gray of her short hair.
I am looking at Val.
At her body.
Battered against the rocks below.
Storm whines. I glance over, and she has her muzzle on the edge, her dark eyes fixed on Val. That is why we're here. Not because she smelled water and wanted to go for a swim. She has located her target. We set her on a scent, and she has tracked it to its source.
I reach to pet her and whisper, "I'm sorry."
She nudges me, and then looks at Val again.
Well, there she is, Mom. Go get her.
I can't, of course. Not from here. I'm not even sure I can get to her from below. It's a narrow gorge, and she's trapped on the rocks.
Sure, Val, go ahead and play spy.
It's okay, Val. Just go with Oliver Brady. You'll be fine. We'll get you back.
My fault.
My responsibility.
There is no surge of grief. No tears. I move slowly, looking around for a way to get down, my body numb, the crash of the rapids muted. Storm's muzzle against my hand feels as if she's nudging me through a thick glove.
I nod, and I murmur something to her. I'm not even sure what it is. All I know is that I need to get Val out of the water for a proper burial.
Like Brent.
How would you like to be buried, Val? Before you go, just answer me that. In case I fuck up and get you killed, how should you be laid to rest? Any final words you'd like said?
Tears do prickle then, but they feel like self-pity, and I swipe them away with the back of my hand.
I will get her out of the water. I see jutting rock down there, with sparse vegetation, a bit of windblown soil and a place for me to lay her body, safely out of the water. We'll come for her later. Just get her out before the current dislodges her body and whisks it away.
I survey the cliff. It's impossible to climb down right here--it really is an edge, with a straight drop below. But if I travel farther down, I see a route with a bit of a slope.
I head to it. Storm follows. I reach the spot and tell her to lie down and then, firmly, to stay. She does, head on her paws.
I crouch at the edge. From here, the route looks steeper than it did farther up. But I can do this. Just a bit of rock climbing. I see the first stone to put my feet on. It's a half meter down. Easy. Just back up to the edge and lower my feet over.
I do that. I'm holding on to a sturdy sapling with one hand, the other grabbing the rock edge. The rock should be right . . .
It's not right there. I'm past my waist, and I don't feel anything underfoot. I glance down. I'm about six inches short, that rock farther than it seemed. I take a deep breath and lower myself until my toes--
My foot touches down and keeps going. I grab my handholds as tight as I can and find my footing before I carefully look. I see my boot and the rock beneath it. A sloping rock. Okay, that's not what I expected but--
No.
I hear Dalton's voice in my head.
Hell and fuck, no, Butler. Get your ass back up here now.
I look over my shoulder and see Val's body.
You feel guilty? Fine. You're going to risk you own life to get her out of there? Not fine. Stupid. Unbelievably stupid, and you know it. You aren't saving her. She's dead. She doesn't give a damn if you bury her body or not. Get your ass up here, come find me, and we'll see if there's a way to do this safely.