‘How did you...?’ she began, walking slowly around the apartment. There was a cosy kitchen with dishes in different colours and fresh flowers on the table. The bedroom had a double bed with a cover decorated in broderie anglaise, the window’s bright-blue shutters open to the October sunshine.
And the balcony... She pushed open the French windows from the living room and stepped onto the tiny balcony with its wrought-iron railings and pots of herbs and flowers. Below her the streets of the Latin Quarter bustled and the smell of freshly baked croissants drifted up. Halina turned to Rico, shaking her head in amazement.
‘It’s as if you pulled this right out of my dreams.’
‘Well, you did describe it to me in some detail.’ He smiled faintly, but his eyes still looked sad.
‘Yes, but how did you arrange it all?’
‘It took some doing. I had very specific requests.’ Rico’s smile deepened. ‘But it was worth it.’
‘Rico, I don’t know what to say.’
‘The deed is in your name, of course,’ he continued, and Halina blinked.
‘What?’
‘I’ve engaged a housekeeper to come once a week, but of course that’s up to you. I thought you’d want your privacy.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘Of course this place might feel small once the baby comes, but we can cross that bridge when you come to it. If you’d like to move somewhere more suitable eventually, it can be arranged.’
‘Now I really don’t understand.’ Her voice and body both shook. ‘What are you telling me, Rico?’
He smiled sadly. ‘I’m giving you what you’ve always wanted, Halina. Your freedom.’
* * *
Rico watched Halina’s eyes widen in shock. Seeing her delight in the little flat had brought him such painful joy. She would be happy here. He’d make sure of it. Because, when you loved someone, you wanted their happiness more than anything. More than your own.
‘My freedom,’ Halina repeated slowly. ‘You mean, you’re leaving me again?’
‘I’m giving you what you want,’ Rico insisted. He’d thought long and hard about what to do when he’d been flying to Bahari and then Abkar. What Halina needed to be happy. ‘You told me—many times you told me—that you wanted your freedom, the chance to choose your own destiny. Well, here it is.’
‘But I’m not choosing it,’ Halina said, her voice growing in force and volume. ‘Am I? You’re still choosing it for me.’
Rico blinked, surprised by her fury. He’d thought she’d be pleased. He’d wanted to please her. Or, he wondered with an uncomfortable pang, had he been trying to assuage his own guilty conscience for backing out on her once before?
‘If you don’t want to live here, you don’t have to.’
‘I thought... I thought when you came for me you’d come to bring me back with you, because that’s where you wanted me.’ Her breath thickened. ‘With you.’
‘I’m trying to do the right thing, Halina—’
‘Are you? Or are you trying to do the safe thing? Rico, I love you.’
The words fell into the shocked stillness.
‘I’ve loved you for a while, and I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid. But I don’t want to be afraid any longer. I’ve been batted back and forth like a ball in a game and I don’t want that either. I want the freedom to choose, yes, and I choose you. If you’ll have me.’
His stunned mind couldn’t make sense of her words.
She continued determinedly. ‘I know you don’t love me, and I’m willing to accept that. I hope in time you might at least come to care for me a little, but in the meantime I want what we had before. I’ll let it be enough. I want us, Rico. I want our family.’
‘Stop.’ His voice was so choked he could barely get the single word out. ‘Stop, Halina. I can’t let you say any more.’
Her eyes clouded and her lips trembled. ‘You can’t?’