Was it just I or could the girlfriend sense the sorrow in his tone? I wondered how much she knew about Sinclair particular brand of sorrow; if she took special care to distract him on Father’s Day, what they did together on Christmas and if he was close with her family. These questions sloshed between my ears like leftover seawater, making me nauseous and unbalanced.
“I don’t know, darling.”
There it was again. Darling. I tried to picture her, conjuring up someone with golden hair and a golden smile, tall of course, with legs for days and perfect breasts. If we met or if, God forbid, she found out about me, she would sneer at the sight of me. This, she would say, is who you chose?
“I have to go now but please try to enjoy the meeting, it’s not often you get to meet a Clinton.”
A Clinton? Oh great, so Darling was not only beautiful, she had a glamorous job that was also intellectual. I sighed heavily, indulging in my self-pity for one more minute before resolving to obliterate it completely. Sinclair wasn’t mine and it was unfair for me to take my frustrations over the fact out on him.
So when he came to stand behind me, close but carefully not touching, I leaned back into him and tipped my head back to smile.
“Hi.”
His eyes were guarded. “Hi.”
“Sit down,” I urged, glaring at him when he hesitated to do so. Only when he was seated did I follow him across the deck and fold myself into his lap.
He stared down at me in surprise but his arms wrapped around me instinctively and after a moment, he relaxed, sighing into my hair.
“I wish you hadn’t heard that.”
I wish you hadn’t had to take it.
“It was fine, Sinclair, I know how this is… How it ends.”
His arms tightened around me almost painfully and he only let go when I wriggled uncomfortably. I wanted to move on, to keep my promise to myself and enjoy the moment with him while I had it, but niggling questions about his girlfriend continued to plague me.
“A Clinton, hey?”
He adjusted in the chair, pulling me closer and tilting me so that I was more comfortable. One hand stroked through my hair and he watched as the sunshine caught the strands and turned them into fire.
“She’s fresh out of law school and fairly political.” He waited to see if I wanted to hear more and continued when I nodded. “She works most of the time.”
“What’s she like?” I asked quietly, paralyzed with apprehension.
He pressed a kiss to my crown. “Elegant, composed, extremely intelligent. When we first met, through her glamorous sister, I couldn’t believe they were related.”
“I know what that’s like, my sisters and I couldn’t be more different.”
I thought of the inscrutable Elena, composed and tragic like a queen forced to abdicate her throne and Cosima, sunlight incarnate. I’d been envious of them for years, striving to emulate every one of their formidable attributes.
“I can imagine. You are unlike anyone.”
My heart contracted and I had to bite back a moan. “It hurts me when you are so sweet.”
He snorted but pulled back from me to stare into my face. “I’m hardly sweet. I don’t have time to be nice, remember?”
I nodded, but I could tell he was surprised and maybe even a little disconcerted by my comment. “I still don’t really know what you do, you know.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Do you want to give me a hint?”
“Maybe.” He leaned forward, bending over until his lips were just an inch from mine. “But that information comes with a price.”
“What if I’m willing to pay?” I darted forward to nip his lip playfully and laughed against his mouth when he caught my lips in a punishing kiss.