Uh-uh, my denial-loving brain insisted. This is not happening!
I picked up a couch cushion and threw it at the table like a Frisbee. Bottles and fuses went tumbling every which way.
“You guys are idiots!” I glowered at the boys. “You’re really going to just leave? What about our promise to stick together?”
Gazzy stared at the stained carpet guiltily. “What other choice do we have?”
“Just… trust the flock.” I pounded my fist into my palm. Part of me was imagining Fang’s face there. “Trust that we can do this together, like we always have. Is that so hard?”
“Trust the flock? Or you?” Iggy asked.
“We just want answers, Max,” Gazzy said. “And that doesn’t really seem like a priority for you.”
Iggy stood up. “We want to learn who’s still alive, but you’re too worried about who’s dead.”
Like my mom. I didn’t know what to say. Instead, I stormed out of the cabin, hoping to see Fang soaring back toward us, like he’d just gone out for a morning zip around the block. But no… things don’t work the way they used to in the pre-apocalyptic world. No Hollywood endings here.
I spotted Nudge and Total in the garden over by Akila’s grave. “Has anyone seen Fang?” I called out.
Nudge shook her head miserably. She looked like she’d been crying all night.
Iggy and Gazzy came out of the cabin wearing their backpacks.
“You’re really going, then?” I said angrily as they strode past. “That’s it?”
“Maybe you should start trusting us for a change,” Iggy said. “You ready, Gasman?”
Gazzy glanced up at the roof. Angel was balancing on top of the lightning rod, swaying with the wind. She didn’t make a move to come down.
“Let’s see if America is still the land of the free.” Gazzy arranged the pack straps on his shoulders, and both he and Iggy snapped open their wings.
Nudge walked over to join me. As we watched the boys take off, I shoved clenched fists deep into my pockets. Silent tears ran down Nudge’s face, and when Total put his paws against her legs, she bent down and held him tight.
Before I could even process the fact that I might never again see these kids I’d known since they were hatchlings, Total pulled away from Nudge and touched my hand with his wet nose.
“Fang left at dawn,” he said quietly. “I think he wanted me to tell you.”
“He—” I squeaked, but the words felt strangled in my throat. After… last night? I thought that had cemented things between us. Now it looked like it had done the opposite.
I’d known the truth, deep in my bones, even if I hadn’t wanted to believe it at first. Now it was real, verified: He wasn’t coming back, despite everything. Despite me. He was gone gone. Total’s sad eyes confirmed it.
Fang really was gone.
Forever.
23
I STARTED TO hyperventilate.
“You know that boy adores you, Max,” Total said.
“Stop it,” I said, covering my ears and squeezing my eyes shut tight.
Tears threatened to overflow, but I couldn’t give in to them, not yet. I was too furious—at Iggy and Gazzy for leaving, at Fang for not even bothering to say good-bye, at Angel for starting this whole thing.
I stomped across the yard and glared up at our little towheaded mystic. Angel was crouched like a gargoyle, her lips pursed into a pout.
“Are you happy with yourself?” I snarled. “We could’ve figured out a plan. A place to go together. Instead, you broke up the whole flock!”