Kas talks about her class. Cree asks questions. I hear nothing but the buzz of their voices. I take a bite of my bagel as I reach up with my free hand and run my fingers over the rope marks on my arm.
Kas smiles at me as she gathers up our trash and deposits it in the bin. I glance at Cree as we head back to his place, and Kas walks along with us. He sees my distress and informs me that Kas is going to study in his room while we meet with Casey.
“We’re going out afterward,” he says.
“Is that okay?” Kas asks me.
I think about it for a minute. Kas hadn’t been a part of my mental image of this meeting, and changes make me uncomfortable. Then again, she won’t actually be in the same room, so I only have to adjust my thinking for the walk to Cree’s apartment and not the meeting itself. I take a deep breath and nod.
“Rocco?” Cree tilts his head to look at me, and I know he wants a verbal answer.
“She’ll be in your room?”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s Quinn?”
“He’s got lab until four o’clock.”
“It’s okay,” I say after a deep breath.
As soon as we get through the door of Cree’s apartment, Kas gives him a quick kiss and then disappears into the back room. Cree sits on the small couch, and I drop down on the floor near the chair.
I don’t like to sit on furniture. The act of sitting on soft cushions feels strange to my body, as if they’re trying to suck me in, so I prefer the floor. My bed is the sole exception, and that’s only because it’s a super-firm mattress.
“So what do you think of all of this?” Cree asks.
“All of what?”
“Casey wanting to tie with you.”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you like her?”
“I don’t know her. I like being tied, and I know I can’t rely on you being there all the time. Maybe I should have someone else available, too, especially...”
“Especially what?”
I don’t want to answer him. Kas seems nice, and it’s clear Cree would rather be spending time with her, not me. Who could blame him for that?
“Rocco?”
“I just...I know you don’t have that much extra time.”
“Are you saying that because of Kas?”
I shrug.
“Rocco, I don’t want you to agree to rope play with Casey just because you’re afraid I won’t have time for you anymore. I’ll make time. Just because I have a girlfriend now doesn’t mean I’m leaving you on your own. I wouldn’t do that.”
Girlfriend. I don’t understand the concept. A girl. A friend. Put the two together, and the meaning changes completely, but why? Just because you’ve seen each other naked? Cree has seen me naked. Does that make him my boyfriend?
No. Definitely not.
I might not have ever been on a date, but I know when I think about the concept, it’s always with a woman.
“You know, having her tie you isn’t going to be like it is with me.”