I dropped my head and closed my eyes in misery. “Something stupid,” I muttered. “But I’m going to fix it. Right now. I’m going to find her.”
“You’d better,” Audrey said. “And you tell her everything. Don’t make assumptions about what she can handle or not. She may be young, but she’s not stupid. She can make her own choices about things. About you. She doesn’t need you to protect her.”
“The hell she doesn’t,” I grumbled, but I was already marching for the truck. I had to find Marina tonight before I lost my ever-loving mind.
“She needs the truth, Colton. That’s all she’s ever needed.”
Those words sliced deep because they were true. So. Fucking true.
I nodded and walked away.
“You’d better fix this,” Boyd called after me, and I would’ve flipped him off if I could spare even the slightest distraction from my purpose.
But I couldn’t. I needed to get to Marina.
Where in the fuck had she gone? Where could she go at this time of night? The ride to the airport was over two hours. There weren’t any more flights out at this time of night. If she were headed back to LA, which made the most sense, she’d have to wait for morning. So I’d head to Bozeman, check the hotels. I’d find her. I had to. I couldn’t let her leave like this. Just like Audrey had said, she needed the truth. All of it. Because that single sexy picture of her on my phone couldn’t be all I had of her.
20
MARINA
* * *
I shouldn’t have come to this same motel. Being here reminded me way too much of Colton. At least I’d been given a different room. After standing in the shower for forty-five minutes, hoping the hot spray of water would eventually wash away the weekend, I crawled into bed for another cry.
I’d replayed every single word we’d said to each other. Every move he made.
Dammit.
Why’d he have to be so damn perfect for me? Why did he have to be the one guy who really got under my skin? Our sexual attraction was off the charts, but it was even more than that. It was everything about him--his dominant, protective way. How he’d lifted me off that signpost in the rain and laid out my wet clothes to dry. And everything in between. He’d been so trustworthy. Attentive. Protective.
Yet the image of him crashing out of the bedroom earlier came back and made a sick lurch in my belly.
Why did he leave? What had gone wrong?
But no, I wasn’t going there anymore. I wasn’t ever going back to my pattern of trying to figure out what I’d done wrong or could’ve done differently.
This was on him.
And yet, still, the stupid scene kept replaying in my mind. And when I stopped looking for my mistakes, it shifted.
His eyes had been glowing. He’d been more wolf-like than human. As if all the time we’d been together, he’d been holding back. That was pretty scary, but hell, Colton was an intense guy with depths I’d never imagined. In that moment, I’d been afraid and told him no.
He’d stopped. Looked at me with horror, retreated. Fled.
I sat up in bed staring at nothing in the dark.
Colton was honorable. A man I trusted enough to let tie me up and do all manner of kinky things to me, even as a near-stranger.
I’d told him no, and he’d stopped, even when he was so far from being himself.
I can’t do this with you. It’s not going to work.
He’d been agitated. No, worse than that. Riled. Enflamed. Pushed. We’d been about to have sex, and he stopped when I told him to. I wasn’t a guy, but I know it must’ve been hard to pull back like that. I’d seen his dick, and he’d been right there. Almost feral with the need to fuck me.
I had to stop blaming myself. A woman was allowed to say no at any time. For any reason. I’d just never expected to say no because a guy was part wolf.
Now, I could look more objectively at this situation. Maybe in that moment, when he’d looked down at me sprawled on his bed, Colton had decided it couldn’t work with a human. Because I didn’t understand as a human. Or because he’d be too rough. Too wolfish for me.
But Audrey and Boyd made it work. While she hadn’t told me everything about their sex life, I knew they had sex. Knew it was hot. Knew it was kinky. She’d even told me Boyd was a little rough, and she loved it. But was he human rough or wolf rough?
Ugh. I fell back on the pillows. I had to stop thinking about this. I’d left Wolf Ranch physically. I needed to block it all out of my mind now, too. Move on with figuring out my life and future. Discover what I wanted.