He took her down as if she had been a canary.
"You must behave yourself, dear. Mr. Malone is a Pressman. He willhave it all in his rag to-morrow, and sell an extra dozen among ourneighbors. 'Strange story of high life'--you felt fairly high on thatpedestal, did you not? Then a sub-title, 'Glimpse of a singularmenage.' He's a foul feeder, is Mr. Malone, a carrion eater, like allof his kind--porcus ex grege diaboli--a swine from the devil's herd.That's it, Malone--what?"
"You are really intolerable!" said I, hotly.
He bellowed with laughter.
"We shall have a coalition presently," he boomed, looking from his wifeto me and puffing out his enormous chest. Then, suddenly altering histone, "Excuse this frivolous family badinage, Mr. Malone. I called youback for some more serious purpose than to mix you up with our littledomestic pleasantries. Run away, little woman, and don't fret." Heplaced a huge hand upon each of her shoulders. "All that you say isperfectly true. I should be a better man if I did what you advise, butI shouldn't be quite George Edward Challenger. There are plenty ofbetter men, my dear, but only one G. E. C. So make the best of him."He suddenly gave her a resounding kiss, which embarrassed me even morethan his violence had done. "Now, Mr. Malone," he continued, with agreat accession of dignity, "this way, if YOU please."
We re-entered the room which we had left so tumultuously ten minutesbefore. The Professor closed the door carefully behind us, motioned meinto an arm-chair, and pushed a cigar-box under my nose.
"Real San Juan Colorado," he said. "Excitable people like you are thebetter for narcotics. Heavens! don't bite it! Cut--and cut withreverence! Now lean back, and listen attentively to whatever I maycare to say to you. If any remark should occur to you, you can reserveit for some more opportune time.
"First of all, as to your return to my house after your mostjustifiable expulsion"--he protruded his beard, and stared at me as onewho challenges and invites contradiction--"after, as I say, yourwell-merited expulsion. The reason lay in your answer to that mostofficious policeman, in which I seemed to discern some glimmering ofgood feeling upon your part--more, at any rate, than I am accustomed toassociate with your profession. In admitting that the fault of theincident lay with you, you gave some evidence of a certain mentaldetachment and breadth of view which attracted my favorable notice.The sub-species of the human race to which you unfortunately belong hasalways been below my mental horizon. Your words brought you suddenlyabove it. You swam up into my serious notice. For this reason I askedyou to return with me, as I was minded to make your furtheracquaintance. You will kindly deposit your ash in the small Japanesetray on the bamboo table which stands at your left elbow."
All this he boomed forth like a professor addressing his class. He hadswung round his revolving chair so as to face me, and he sat all puffedout like an enormous bull-frog, his head laid back and his eyeshalf-covered by supercilious lids. Now he suddenly turned himselfsideways, and all I could see of him was tangled hair with a red,protruding ear. He was scratching about among the litter of papersupon his desk. He faced me presently with what looked like a verytattered sketch-book in his hand.
"I am going to talk to you about South America," said he. "No commentsif you please. First of all, I wish you to understand that nothing Itell you now is to be repeated in any public way unless you have myexpress permission. That permission will, in all human probability,never be given. Is that clear?"
"It is very hard," said I. "Surely a judicious account----"
He replaced the notebook upon the table.
"That ends it," said he. "I wish you a very good morning."
"No, no!" I cried. "I submit to any conditions. So far as I can see,I have no choice."
"None in the world," said he.
"Well, then, I promise."
"Word of honor?"
"Word of honor."
He looked at me with doubt in his insolent eyes.
"After all, what do I know about your honor?" said he.
"Upon my word, sir," I cried, angrily, "you take very great liberties!I have never been so insulted in my life."
He seemed more interested than annoyed at my outbreak.
"Round-headed," he muttered. "Brachycephalic, gray-eyed, black-haired,with suggestion of the negroid. Celtic, I presume?"
"I am an Irishman, sir."
"Irish Irish?"
"Yes, sir."
"That, of course, explains it. Let me see; you have given me yourpromise that my confidence will be respected? That confidence, I maysay, will be far from complete. But I am prepared to give you a fewindications which will be of interest. In the first place, you areprobably aware that two years ago I made a journey to SouthAmerica--one which will be classical in the scientific history of theworld? The object of my journey was to verify some conclusions ofWallace and of Bates, which could only be done by observing theirreported facts under the same conditions in which they had themselvesnoted them. If my expedition had no other results it would still havebeen noteworthy, but a curious incident occurred to me while therewhich opened up an entirely fresh line of inquiry.
"You are aware--or probably, in this half-educated age, you are notaware--that the country round some parts of the Amazon is still onlypartially explored, and that a great number of tributaries, some ofthem entirely uncharted, run into the main river. It was my businessto visit this little-known back-country and to examine its fauna, whichfurnished me with the materials for several chapters for that great andmonumental work upon zoology which will be my life's justification. Iwas returning, my work accomplished, when I had occasion to spend anight at a small Indian village at a point where a certaintributary--the name and
position of which I withhold--opens into themain river. The natives were Cucama Indians, an amiable but degradedrace, with mental powers hardly superior to the average Londoner. Ihad effected some cures among them upon my way up the river, and hadimpressed them considerably with my personality, so that I was notsurprised to find myself eagerly awaited upon my return. I gatheredfrom their signs that someone had urgent need of my medical services,and I followed the chief to one of his huts. When I entered I foundthat the sufferer to whose aid I had been summoned had that instantexpired. He was, to my surprise, no Indian, but a white man; indeed, Imay say a very white man, for he was flaxen-haired and had somecharacteristics of an albino. He was clad in rags, was very emaciated,and bore every trace of prolonged hardship. So far as I couldunderstand the account of the natives, he was a complete stranger tothem, and had come upon their village through the woods alone and inthe last stage of exhaustion.
"The man's knapsack lay beside the couch, and I examined the contents.His name was written upon a tab within it--Maple White, Lake Avenue,Detroit, Michigan. It is a name to which I am prepared always to liftmy hat. It is not too much to say that it will rank level with my ownwhen the final credit of this business comes to be apportioned.