"I wish you could translate it into English for me," I said,pathetically, to my help-mate.
"Well, it is a translation."
"Then I'd better try my luck with the original."
"It is certainly rather deep for a layman."
"If I could only get a single good, meaty sentence which seemed toconvey some sort of definite human idea, it would serve my turn. Ah,yes, this one will do. I seem in a vague way almost to understand it.I'll copy it out. This shall be my link with the terrible Professor."
"Nothing else I can do?"
"Well, yes; I propose to write to him. If I could frame the letterhere, and use your address it would give atmosphere."
"We'll have the fellow round here making a row and breaking thefurniture."
"No, no; you'll see the letter--nothing contentious, I assure you."
"Well, that's my chair and desk. You'll find paper there. I'd like tocensor it before it goes."
It took some doing, but I flatter myself that it wasn't such a bad jobwhen it was finished. I read it aloud to the critical bacteriologistwith some pride in my handiwork.
"DEAR PROFESSOR CHALLENGER," it said, "As a humble student of Nature, Ihave always taken the most profound interest in your speculations as tothe differences between Darwin and Weissmann. I have recently hadoccasion to refresh my memory by re-reading----"
"You infernal liar!" murmured Tarp Henry.
--"by re-reading your masterly address at Vienna. That lucid andadmirable statement seems to be the last word in the matter. There isone sentence in it, however--namely: 'I protest strongly against theinsufferable and entirely dogmatic assertion that each separate id is amicrocosm possessed of an historical architecture elaborated slowlythrough the series of generations.' Have you no desire, in view oflater research, to modify this statement? Do you not think that it isover-accentuated? With your permission, I would ask the favor of aninterview, as I feel strongly upon the subject, and have certainsuggestions which I could only elaborate in a personal conversation.With your consent, I trust to have the honor of calling at eleveno'clock the day after to-morrow (Wednesday) morning.
"I remain, Sir, with assurances of profound respect, yours very truly,
EDWARD D. MALONE."
"How's that?" I asked, triumphantly.
"Well if your conscience can stand it----"
"It has never failed me yet."
"But what do you mean to do?"
"To get there. Once I am in his room I may see some opening. I mayeven go the length of open confession. If he is a sportsman he will betickled."
"Tickled, indeed! He's much more likely to do the tickling. Chainmail, or an American football suit--that's what you'll want. Well,good-bye. I'll have the answer for you here on Wednesday morning--ifhe ever deigns to answer you. He is a violent, dangerous, cantankerouscharacter, hated by everyone who comes across him, and the butt of thestudents, so far as they dare take a liberty with him. Perhaps itwould be best for you if you never heard from the fellow at all."
CHAPTER III
"He is a Perfectly Impossible Person"
My friend's fear or hope was not destined to be realized. When Icalled on Wednesday there was a letter with the West Kensingtonpostmark upon it, and my name scrawled across the envelope in ahandwriting which looked like a barbed-wire railing. The contents wereas follows:--
"ENMORE PARK, W.
"SIR,--I have duly received your note, in which you claim to endorse myviews, although I am not aware that they are dependent upon endorsementeither from you or anyone else. You have ventured to use the word'speculation' with regard to my statement upon the subject ofDarwinism, and I would call your attention to the fact that such a wordin such a connection is offensive to a degree. The context convincesme, however, that you have sinned rather through ignorance andtactlessness than through malice, so I am content to pass the matterby. You quote an isolated sentence from my lecture, and appear to havesome difficulty in understanding it. I should have thought that only asub-human intelligence could have failed to grasp the point, but if itreally needs amplification I shall consent to see you at the hournamed, though visits and visitors of every sort are exceedingdistasteful to me. As to your suggestion that I may modify my opinion,I would have you know that it is not my habit to do so after adeliberate expression of my mature views. You will kindly show theenvelope of this letter to my man, Austin, when you call, as he has totake every precaution to shield me from the intrusive rascals who callthemselves 'journalists.'
"Yours faithfully, "GEORGE EDWARD CHALLENGER."
This was the letter that I read aloud to Tarp Henry, who had come downearly to hear the result of my venture. His only remark was, "There'ssome new stuff, cuticura or something, which is better than arnica."Some people have such extraordinary notions of humor.
It was nearly half-past ten before I had received my message, but ataxicab took me round in good time for my appointment. It was animposing porticoed house at which we stopped, and the heavily-curtainedwindows gave every indication of wealth upon the part of thisformidable Professor. The door was opened by an odd, swarthy, dried-upperson of uncertain age, with a dark pilot jacket and brown leathergaiters. I found afterwards that he was the chauffeur, who filled thegaps left by a succession of fugitive butlers. He looked me up anddown with a searching light blue eye.