night that he’d taken her, but this time, this time, she felt his possession to the depths of her soul.
This time, Jordan became a part of her.
“Oh God.” The shattered breath of sound escaped her lips, and this time, she knew what she was saying. “Oh God, Jordan, I love you.”
* * *
Silently, meticulously, Jordan helped Tehya into the wrinkled material of his shirt, buttoned it carefully, then stepped back and fixed his pants.
A part of him felt shattered.
He couldn’t explain it, and it sure as fucking hell didn’t make sense. His nerves felt on edge, and that coming from a man who had nerves of steel. He felt a curious fury burning inside him, or was it something else?
Whatever it was, his soul felt lashed by it, bruised by the violent waves of whatever conflict raged inside him.
“Jordan?” She whispered his name as he zipped his pants and turned from her to stride to the wet bar across the room.
God, he couldn’t talk to her right now. The kindest thing he could do was walk away. He needed to walk away before he ended up destroying them both.
Lifting his hand, he blew out a weary breath as he rubbed at the back of his neck. Escape was futile. There was no escaping her, no matter how much distance he put between them. He’d already learned that lesson the hard way.
“I’m sorry.” The heartbreaking regret in her voice sent a shaft of some white-hot emotion burning through his chest.
God dammit. What the hell was he feeling? Anger? It felt like anger. Like helplessness. And by God he didn’t do helpless well.
“Don’t apologize,” he finally blew out roughly as he turned to her, praying she wasn’t crying.
And hell no, she wasn’t crying. Her chin was lifted stubbornly, her gaze defiant, but he could see the regret shadowing the green depths of her eyes.
“I would say it slipped out, but that would imply I was trying to hold it back, wouldn’t it?” Her lips quirked with a strangely amused self-mockery.
“I can always trust you to be amazingly blunt,” he sighed. “And it’s not the first time it’s slipped out.”
Damned near every time he had taken her the words had slipped past her lips and dug sharp talons into his soul. Each time, he had tried to muffle the words with his lips; but still, the sound of them had slipped free enough to allow him to make them out.
A shrug lifted her shoulders as she tucked a heavy swath of hair behind a delicate ear.
Red-gold curls tumbled around her face and shoulders. The disarray caused by his hands, by the tossing of her head as she orgasmed beneath him, had given her a wanton, decidedly lush appearance. But her expression, the vulnerability in her gaze, made her appear too innocent, too easily hurt.
He knew Tehya. He knew her compassion, he knew the woman she pretended to be as well as the woman she truly was.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Tey, but if you allow yourself to believe you love me, if you give in to that illusion, then that’s exactly what I’ll end up doing.”
There was that strange little smile again. Part teasing, part mocking. It was one of those looks that never failed to put him off balance. He’d be damned if he could tell what she was thinking when she had that look on her face.
“Don’t worry about hurting me, Jordan.” She brushed back her hair again as she turned from him and headed for the bedroom. “It was too late for that a long time ago.”
She almost made the bedroom before he was on her. His fingers curled around her upper arm, dragging her to a stop as she jerked around, unable to hide the anger in her eyes before he saw it.
Jordan paused, surprised, watching as her chin tilted in determination and stubbornness and her cat’s green eyes narrowed back at him suspiciously.
“I’ve heard the lecture,” she informed him as she glared back at him. “I’ve heard you tell your men how love is an illusion, and how they need to watch their backs before that illusion bites them on the ass, so many times it sickens me. Unless you have something original to add to it, then I don’t want to hear it again, if you don’t mind.”
Yes, it was a lecture he had given his men often. Hell, they were his men, his team. They were his family. He felt it was his responsibility to warn them at the very least. Not that he didn’t like their wives. Hell, they were damned good women. But when a man allowed himself to live a lie …
“You’re fooling yourself.” He had to force the words past his lips. “You’re letting lust and pleasure betray you, Tehya. It tricks you. When it fades, all you have left is either friendship or enmity. It’s the enmity that worries me, the knowledge of all the little ways you can destroy one another with the knowledge you’ve gained. I don’t want us to go that route. I don’t want you to hate me.”
The thought of losing her had his guts clenching in dread. The thought of her hatred, of never seeing the hunger in her eyes and feeling the need in her kiss, had his jaw clenching in imminent fury.