“Ready?” I ask, so I have an excuse to lean in like this.
Valerie turns her head to look up at me, her blue eyes sparkling with pleasure. “I’m always ready,” she says suggestively.
Yeah, I bet you are.
I brought it on myself, so I can’t say much about her blatant come on. I smile faintly and straighten back up.
I’m sorely tempted to look back at Riley and see what shade of pink she is, but instead I settle a hand on Valerie’s shoulder and get ready for the picture.
I expect to feel some satisfaction when that shot is done and I can finally glimpse Riley without being obvious, but when I look at her, it isn’t satisfaction I feel.
Anderson’s hand is around her waist and she’s fallen quiet, her expression solemn and pensive. I’m not sure she even notices him touching her. If she does, she doesn’t care one way or the other.
We do a few more poses and Tim takes a few more pictures, but Riley doesn’t speak again. She’s off in her own world, just going through the motions with us.
I know I’m the one who chased her off, but it’s pure hell not being able to reach her.
It’s hell hearing her telling me no, and wondering if she’s telling him yes.
I didn’t worry about that before. I knew Riley was on hold for me. For one thing, I’d made my position as clear as fucking day to all my friends before I left. It didn’t matter how many continents were between us, if one of them started sniffing around Riley, I would find out about it and they’d learn pretty fast how far I can reach when I’m pissed off.
I’ve always had that inside me, but spending those years with my dad and actually seeing where it came from, it helped me understand it better, hone it in a lot of ways.
As mad as I was at Riley for getting me sent away, I wouldn’t even have a relationship with my father if not for her.
I wouldn’t be who I am if not for her.
I’m not sure she can say the same of me.
I’m not sure Riley needs anybody.
That shouldn’t rankle so fucking much, but it does.
I want her to need me.
The last time I needed someone more than they needed me was when my mom almost let her husband kill me. That hurt like hell, and once I got past it, I vowed never to let that happen again.
The problem is, Riley didn’t come after. By the time I vowed to protect myself, she had already slipped in and made an impression. It didn’t feel like a threat at the time because I didn’t need to protect myself from Riley.
But now she’s standing here with the guy I told her to drop, the one she’s going out with after shooting me down, and now… she doesn’t feel so harmless.
Sometimes I’m impressed by it, but sometimes I can’t fucking stand her knack for saying no to me. Her unwavering ability to make up her mind and stick to her guns—even if she doesn’t really want to.
I thought I could wait her out. I was sure I could reel her back in even if I’d crossed her line. After all, she reeled my ass back in after she upended my whole life.
If I can’t stay mad at her, she shouldn’t be able to stay mad at me. I can’t afford to let her have that kind of power over me if I don’t have the same power over her.
It shouldn’t be so hard.
I know people. I know everyone’s for sale; with some people, you have to look a little harder to find their price, but everybody has one.
Riley might be unique, but she’s still a human being—with all the faults and weaknesses that entails.
If I want Riley, I may need to use a completely different currency than I’m used to. I can keep chipping away at her, but I won’t get far using the same ineffective methods.
A different sort of man might call it, cut his losses, accept defeat.
It’s not in me to accept defeat. “No” doesn’t really mean no; it means find another way.
Maybe I haven’t found Riley’s price because I’ve been making offers that work on other people, but Riley has different priorities. That’s why I thought she’d like the book; it was more personal, tailored specifically to her.
It’s not enough, though. I have to do more than make her want me. She has to need me. She might want me already—she’ll still say no.
She can be so fucking stubborn sometimes, but I guess I can be, too.
It’s not like she didn’t warn me. She told me she’d never forgive me for Valerie.
Most people don’t mean what they say.
Riley did. She meant it. Even if she could forgive me, she won’t let herself. She made her position clear from the get-go, and she will hold my ass accountable even if it costs both of us.