"You." I pointed and made a cutting signal with my free hand — you know, the one that wasn't getting humped by the spider. Words I thought I'd never utter.
"Perhaps Frank senses your desperation. Maybe you should stop prolonging the inevitable and mate with your lady friend." He pulled out a carrot and began gnawing on one end of it. "Besides, you only have five days
to decide your fate. That curse must be working. It's magic."
"Curse?" I repeated.
"Yeah, your keiki is off."
"My keiki is fine."
"Frank's upset," Beth piped up. "He's getting on his haunches."
"Shit!" I waved my arm again. "First off, Frank," I pointed to the offending spider, "is still attached to me. Second, how do you even know how long we're staying, and third, are you, or have you been in the past hour, high as a kite? And were you the one that cursed me?"
"I give drugs, not hugs. Hang loose, man." He grinned and reached for the spider. "Most guests only stay six to seven days, but you two were easy to peg. I read it in your reservation you made this morning. And my cousin's the boat captain." He grinned and took another bite off his carrot then held out his hands to Frank.
The spider slowly crawled off my arm and into the guide's waiting hands. The minute his hairy ass was gone, I ran toward Beth and shook my entire body.
When I approached her for comfort, she took a step back.
"Oh no, you don't. You could have more Franks in your pants. No way I'm taking a chance of one of them touching me. Who knows what voodoo that Viagra cast on you."
"So many things wrong with that sentence, Beth. So many things."
"Be free, Frank!" The guide let the spider loose and turned to face us.
"Bye, Frank!" Beth waved.
"Stop waving." I grabbed her hand.
She jerked free of my grip. "Chill. It's not like he bit you."
"And you noticed that when? Before or after you took off screaming, leaving me to die in the middle of the sugarcane field?"
Beth's eyes narrowed. "You're just pissed because you're the worst explorer ever, don't know where North is, and would totally get voted off Survivor Island."
"I would rather bomb the island with me on it, than have to run through a sugarcane field again. But if you wanna try out for Survivor, be my guest."
"Ahem." Our guide cleared his throat. "If it is okay with you two, we'll continue our expedition with the horseback ride."
"Saddle up, cowboy." Beth winked and slapped my ass. "Or are you scared of horses too?"
"I will ride that horse so damn hard…" I stopped talking. My body had failed me earlier today, and now it seemed my mind was last to go.
Beth's eyes shone with humor.
Our guide brought over the horses. I assumed the short ugly one who looked like a hundred years old was Beth's, but she was already getting on a different one, leaving me with Donkey from Shrek and a sinking feeling that one of us wasn't going to make it through the jungle alive.
Chapter Seventeen
"Do you feel guilty?"tThe agent asked.
"For?"
"For potentially harming innocent people with your schemes and ministrations?"
"I'm sorry." Grandma shook her head. "I don't understand the question?"