“Cece, please, baby. I love you, so damn much. I need to be with you, but I don’t know how to fix it so we can be together.” His hands shoot into his hair, gripping, his expression breaking my heart. I feel it in my soul. It’s the same pain I feel being unable to act on my feelings for him. “We… we can keep us a secret.” I hear the desperation in his voice, like he knows what he’s saying is fucked up, but he can’t help but let the words rush out. “We can act like we’re just friends in front of everyone, but at least we will know we’re together, and then I can have you. Please.”
My heart shatters inside my chest, not only for him but for me as well. He’s stuck. He’s absolutely stuck, with no way out of his situation without losing everything. But that doesn’t change the fact that he would lose everything if we were to get caught. And I can’t do that to him. I love him enough to let him go, so he doesn’t lose everything he’s worked so hard for to a woman like Corina. To anyone, really. I love him too much to see his dreams turn to dust.
“I can’t, Winston,” I repeat, my voice a whimper. “And I don’t think I can work here anymore. I’m… I’m going to be looking for a new job, because this is just… too painful.”
His face falls even more, the light going out of his eyes. His hands drop to his sides, and he just looks… defeated.
He doesn’t argue.
He looks so broken I have to force myself not to run up to him and tell him never mind. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, to hold my ground and stay strong in this moment.
When he finally speaks, there’s no life in his voice. “You have a job here as long as you need. I’ll work the opposite shift from you until you find somewhere else.”
All I can do is nod. And then I spin around, not even stopping as I grab my purse from beneath the bar and run out the back door.
23
Cece
It’s been weird the past couple of days, opening the restaurant and leaving before Winston arrives for the dinner shift. And while there’s a hole inside me that’s grown the longer I’ve gone without seeing him, I can’t help but enjoy the change of pace. I’m off in time to pick the girls up from school, take them home, cook dinner with Mom, help my kids with their homework…. It almost feels like my old routine with just a job during the day while they’re at school.
But in these couple of days, it’s been clear to see the cut in pay from working the lunch hours versus the dinner shift and bartending. I’m not making nearly as much in tips, and I know this situation is going to bite me in the ass and soon. I need to find a new job and quickly. Hopefully, now that I have at least Winston’s on my resume for experience, I won’t have to plead for someone to give me a chance. And I know both Win and Steph will give me a letter of recommendation, or whatever, for my next employer.
It’s Saturday, the day we should’ve been able to take the girls on a fun little getaway to a cabin in the mountains with their grandparents if Mike had allowed me to take them. Instead, after I got home from my lunch shift at the restaurant, Mom took us girls on a shopping trip. I tried to tell her it wasn’t necessary, but she reminded me this was a family tradition. Anytime she and Chaz come to visit, she gets to spoil her girls and “make up for all the things she’d buy all of us if we lived nearby.” So I gave in and allowed her to restock my favorite Bath and Body Works shower gels and lotions. She got the twins several new pairs of jeans, since theirs were starting to look like they were waiting for a flood, and Ruby got a few new shirts with her favorite game characters on the front. Lola even sweet talked her into getting her a BTS poster for her room, which she immediately hangs as soon as we get home.
“Who’s the one with the earrings and pretty lips?” I ask from the bed as Lola tapes the last corner.
“That’s Jimin. He’s one of the main dancers, and he sings the highest notes in the songs,” she replies.
“He’s very good-looking. I think I’ll pick him as my… bias,” I tell her, and she turns wide eyes on me.
“You know what a bias is?” Her wide eyes and shocked set to her lips make me smile, and she gives me a dazzling grin.