Chortling, I repeated after Gael and was rewarded with him going slightly deeper. I wanted more of him. I craved the feeling of completeness.
A triumphant look was on Gael’s face as perspiration broke out across his skin as he held back. Not able to get enough of him, I raked my hands down his back which got a moan in response.
“Do you want it deeper, sweetheart?”
Groaning, I said with frustration lacing my voice, “You know I do. What else do I have to say?”
“I, Ashlin, will swear off all microwave meals.”
He was being impossible. “Gael! You’re not playing fair!”
Withdrawing, I tried to hold him within me with my feet. He was too strong. Not wanting him to leave me, I frantically spoke, “Fine! Fine! I, Ashlin, will swear off all microwave meals if you or your restaurant is accessible. This is a compromise.”
Pausing his withdrawal, he looked down at me, both of our chests heaving. Ramming into me hard and deep, I got my answer that he accepted my compromise. There was no stopping us as we devoured each other, the sensations intense. My hips met him thrust for thrust and I couldn’t stop calling out as Gael twisted his hips above me. This was raw as we both looked into each other’s eyes. Our heavy breathing filled the air as we moved, building our release.
Gael’s mouth came down to my neck and sucked on it gently as I arched into him. Not able to keep my eyes open as the sensation overtook my body, a million bright lights danced behind my eyelids. Warmth spread within me.
Stilling, Gael didn’t say anything, which was unusual. I opened my eyes. He looked horrified. “Shit, Ashlin! Shit! Shit! Shit!”
Pulling out, he sat back on his knees and scrubbed a hand down his face.
“What’s wrong, Gael? I thought that was amazing? Did I do something wrong?” Concern engulfed me and I tried to cover myself with the bedspread.
Stopping my reach for the comforter, Gael spoke, “Oh, Ashlin, you did nothing wrong. I forgot to wear a condom. Shit! I can’t believe I forgot. I’m so sorry.”
We hadn’t used a condom. That explained the intensity. Harris had insisted we always use a condom to ensure an accident didn’t happen. His mother always thought I would try to get pregnant on purpose. I shook the thoughts of the past from my head. None of that mattered anymore, even though it played a large part in my insecurities.
I focused back on the now. Not wearing a condom brought us to a new level quicker than I anticipated. Focus on the facts, Ashlin. Don’t get emotional. This is okay.
“I’m on the pill.” There was an edge to my voice. Part of me wanted to revel in the moment, but the rational side of me knew I was putting my heart in a very dangerous place that would cause irreparable damage if something happened. I hadn’t prepared myself for this step and it threw me.
Lying beside me, Gael put his hands around my face. “Ashlin, I took away your choice in this decision. I’m sorry.”
In my mind, I thought there would be more discussion about this step in our relationship and be given the choice.
At a loss for words, I traced a pattern on his chest while I thought. Keeping it factual, I continued. “I’m clean. I’ve never been with a man without a condom.”
He sighed. “There’s only one time, several years ago, that a condom busted on me. Other than that, I’ve always used one.”
Intent on continuing to draw the pattern on Gael’s chest, I chanced a glance up. He looked at me with concern etched on his feature. “Is everything okay, sweetheart? You’re not talking about how you feel.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I’m tired. It’s been a long day.” That was the truth considering all I had endured with Harris’ shenanigans.
“Okay, let’s get some sleep.”
Turning off the bed lamp, Gael put his arms around me and brought me to him.
In the dark, I could feel the vibrations in his chest as he spoke, “That was the best feeling in the world, Ashlin. But, I’ll wear a condom until you don’t want to use one anymore. There’s no pressure. I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
Again, I nodded. My throat was too thick with emotion and I’m not sure I could speak without my voice cracking. Having Gael in me, with no barriers, had been one of the best feelings I had known. The feeling was far above anything I had experienced with the few lovers I had in the past.
That’s how everything was with Gael. More. So much more. We were getting more serious by the second—faster than I thought could happen to anyone. And the intense connection Gael and I had scared me for the first time since we had gotten together.
“Hey, Dad. I planned on heading over there in an hour or two. You did? Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. I’ll head that way now. See you there.”
Gael gave me a quick kiss as we lay together, naked and entwined. I was half-awake when Gael’s cell phone rang. Being in his embrace through the night had helped abate the fear that had crept in to my mind.
Groggily, I asked. “What time is it?”