The suicide note said, I miss my love. Leelyn, please take care of Ashlin. I still wondered why my dad hadn’t thought I was enough to stick around for. If only I could find someone who thought I was enough.
Parking in my designated parking spot of our building’s garage, I got out and hit the button on my car remote. The lights flashed as I made my way to the elevator.
The garage elevator attendant, Joe, greeted me wearing his normal black business suit attire. “Evening, Miss Thomas.”
“Evening, Joe. How was your day?”
He hit the top floor button. “It was very nice, Miss Thomas. Mr. Huntington arrived about twenty minutes ago. How was your evening?”
I gave a slight nod and a tired smile. “It was good.”
I caught a glimpse of myself in the side wall mirror of the elevator. My long golden-blonde hair was done up on my head and my teal eyes looked tired and slightly lost. Even I could see the sadness emanating from my slim figure. I looked at the floor, unable to gaze back at the person I saw a moment ago. Did I look this unhappy all the time? I hoped not. The elevator came to a halt on our floor.
“Night, Joe.”
“Night, Miss Thomas.”
Walking out of the elevator, I entered the foyer that led to the front door. Taking a deep breath, I unlocked the door. Stepping across the threshold, the dread I always felt returned—this still wasn’t home after a year.
We lived on the top floor of a Manhattan apartment building. The only thing beautiful about this place was the view. Everything else, except my office, was cold and depressing. The walls were done in steel-gray with black furniture that felt like you were sitting on concrete. Supposedly, that was elegant and classy for the type of people we entertained here from time to time, per Harris’ mother. I disagreed. Slipping off my heels, I followed the low classical melody that came from the living room. I stopped at the entrance and leaned against the column, watching Harris looking out into the city.
He was in lounge pants and a T-shirt, which was a rare sight these days. Normally, he stayed in his business slacks and dress shirt until bedtime. As I stood there watching, Harris ran his hands through his messy coal-black hair and sighed heavily. I knew his piercing blue eyes probably looked lost and abandoned by his stance.
Quietly, my feet padded over to where Harris stood and I wrapped my hands around his firm middle. Harris got up at four every morning to work out. His body showed the dedication.
Kissing his shoulder, I spoke, “Hey, there. I missed you tonight. Amelia and Steven are on their way to Barbados. It was beautiful. They wished you could have made it, but understood why you weren’t able to.”
I nuzzled my face into his back and took in his scent. Since Harris had made it big financially, or rather inherited it, he had changed his more subtle smell to something spicier. I preferred the old cologne. His hands came to rest on top of mine and my heart swelled at the tender moment. They were few and far between. This moment right here was why I kept holding on to the thought that Harris would come back to me.
Harris dropped his hands. “I needed you with me tonight. I was the only man there without his significant other. I looked like a fool. This was important to me, Ashlin.”
I dropped my hands and took a step back as my heart lost the warmth it felt and splintered instead. “Amelia and Steven used to be your friends, too. Or have you forgotten everything that happened before last year? Did you think that maybe it was important for you to be with me? Or how foolish I looked that my boyfriend of five years, who supposedly adores me, chose a business dinner over me?”
Harris turned and the irritation was evident. His piercing blue eyes were angry. “I don’t want to go over this again. You know I spend all day working so you can have the best of everything. This is always about you. Do you not appreciate what I sacrifice to give you all of this?” Harris’ hand swept across the room.
“I wish we didn’t have all of this. I wish we could go back to before the money. We were happy and got by fine. When was the last time we laughed? Hell, when was the last time we made love? When was the last time you said you loved me?” Harris stood there staring at me. I couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m going to work in my office. Don’t wait up for me. Not that you would.”
I turned and walked out of the room. His voice stopped me and I hoped he would ask me to stay and talk things out. “I need you tomorrow for the dinner. Those other bastards are bringing their girlfriends and I need you to show them up.”
A lone tear fell down my face. “I’m not your arm candy, Harris. Don’t treat me like it. I said I would go and I will, but you and I are going to need to have a serious talk afterward.”
Harris didn’t respond. Without looking back, I trudged down the hall to my office. The walls were different shades of blue, which helped soothe me. As of late, I had been falling asleep in my office more than in our bedroom. There was a chest for my manuals and office supplies, and recently, I’d cleaned out a drawer to keep some of my pajamas in, too. I snatched a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt and hastily put them on. I was miserable in this relationship. I would get through tomorrow’s dinner, then Harris and I were going to put it all out on the table. After tomorrow, I assumed I’d be looking for a new place to live. If I needed to go to Amelia’s while they were away on their honeymoon, I knew I’d be able to. I sat on the couch and brought the afghan over me. Eventually, exhaustion took me.
My body jostled and I knew Harris was carrying me by the feel of his embrace. I kept my eyes closed, not wanting to fight again. He laid me down in our bed as I felt the soft mattress surround me.
“Ashlin, are you awake?” He asked softly.
I didn’t move and his thumb came up and caressed my cheek. “Ashlin, I do love you. I feel myself changing and I can’t stop it. I crave the power and I want more. But I want you, too. I can’t let you go and I won’t. I want it all. Don’t ask me to give up anything. I’m keeping you, Ashlin. I won’t let anyone else have you. This isn’t a battle you’re going to win. We were meant to be together.”
Harris gave me a kiss on the forehead as I kept my breathing even. I didn’t think he thought I was awake since he hardly ever let me see the tender side of him anymore. My heart raced when he pushed off the mattress. Next, I heard him leave the room.
When the door closed, the tears started free falling down my face. Somewhere beneath his new demeanor was the Harris I knew and had fallen in love with, but he was lost. I wasn’t sure if the old Harris could be saved, or that he wanted to even be found. Change was a scary thing and I knew I was on the brink of being forced to make a decision for my own sanity.
I LEANED OVER the counter, putting the finishing touches to my mascara when my phone vibrated on the black granite in our bathroom. It was early evening and we would be leaving in about thirty minutes for Harris’ dinner.
Picking up the phone, I balanced it between my shoulder and ear. “Hey, Aunt Leelyn.”
The gentle voice of my aunt came through the other end. “Hey there, sweetie. I got your message. Hope you have a good dinner tonight. Did I hear you right, you may be coming home for a few days?”