“I cannot believe I had the whereabouts last night to set those out,” I mumbled as I reached for the water and pills. With one quick movement, I tossed them into my mouth, then I drank the whole glass of water. It felt amazing. Especially since my mouth felt dry as all get out. I couldn’t even remember leaving Butch’s Place. Maybe Butch left the water and Advil? Or Lucy?
After taking a few deep breaths, I stumbled my way to the bathroom and into a hot shower. I would have to call Butch and thank him or Lucy for getting me home safely. I gave myself one day a year to lose control, and yesterday had been that day. It didn’t matter, though. No amount of drinking in the world could take away the guilt I felt or the emptiness I couldn’t ever seem to get used to.
Tears pricked at the back of my eyes. I caused myself even more pain when I attempted to hold them back. They won, like they always seemed to do. I covered my mouth in hopes that I could keep the sobs back. I lost that battle. Tears mixed with the hot water as I slowly slid down the tile wall and dropped to the floor. I pulled my knees into my chest, and I lost it.
What would people think if they knew how many times I had broken down in the shower? Or lying in bed? The girl who counsels others through their grief and pain can’t seem to control her own.
“Six years! It’s been six years, God. Why can’t I let the guilt go?” I shouted.
After a good cry, I picked myself back up and finished my shower. With a towel wrapped around my hair and my fluffy robe on, I headed to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea, already feeling loads better.
Kaelynn’s voice filtered in through my thoughts as I walked toward the kitchen. She was my best friend, and she was also engaged to my brother Nash. They had had a whirlwind romance an
d were now not only planning a wedding in a few months, but planning on being parents as well come October third. Kaelynn was still early on in her pregnancy, and I guess since she was settling down into a happy married life, she thought that meant I had to as well.
“Maybe you should think about dating again, Morgan,” Kaelynn had said over and over.
I groaned at the thought. My last attempt at dating was Rich. It was fun; the sex was okay, but that was all it was. The sex was just a tool I used to try to forget about all the crap that rattled around in my head day in and day out. There was absolutely no emotional connection between Rich and me. I was closed off to him, and he saw it. I wouldn’t allow him in, and he wanted more than sex. I didn’t though, and it wasn’t fair to him. We broke up, but we remained friends.
Sighing, I closed my eyes and leaned against the counter. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to find love again. But the last time I was in love it left me confused, lonely, and guilty.
When I opened my eyes, I saw a note sitting on the island. It instantly made me smile. Butch was probably giving me orders about how to prevent the dreaded hangover. Unfortunately, my headache was still hanging on.
My smile faded when I saw the handwriting. That wasn’t Butch’s handwriting or Lucy’s. My eyes swung down to the signed name.
Blake.
Wrapping my arms around my body, I stared at the note. That warm familiar feeling I got whenever Blake was around filled me from head to toe.
“Blake? As in Blake Greene?” I whispered, trying not to notice how my body trembled slightly at the thought.
With shaking hands, I picked up the note and read it. I couldn’t help but smile at the reference to who he was at the end. Why was Blake at Butch’s bar, and how in the world did he end up being the person to take me home?
Setting the note down, I headed to the refrigerator. I sighed in relief when I saw both orange juice and a V8. Trying not to gag as I mixed them together, I plugged my nose and drank the entire glass in one long gulp.
I put the glass on the granite countertop and dragged in a few deep breaths.
“Oh. My. God. That was gross!”
My body shuddered, and I reached for the note again. My phone was sitting next to it, plugged into the charger. The way my chest squeezed at the kind gesture surprised me. I hadn’t felt that feeling in a very long time. It was nice having someone care about something so silly. Of course, it didn’t hurt that I had a secret crush on Blake as well.
Dialing his number, I sat on the bar stool and tried to figure out what I would say about my behavior last night. Blake was one of my brother’s best friends, and they’d known each other since college. Hell, I’d known him since college. At least, until he’d moved away right after he graduated.
I closed my eyes and said a prayer that Blake hadn’t called Nash last night. I didn’t really want to explain to my brother why I went once a year on the anniversary of Mike’s suicide and attempted to drink away my guilt and sadness. Six years was too long for me to be holding on to this, that much I knew. I counseled people almost every day on how to handle grief, anger, guilt, and loneliness. The irony of that wasn’t lost on me.
“Hello?”
His voice sounded like he was panting for air, as if he had been playing between the sheets with someone. Knowing Blake, he probably was, and that instantly made me feel jealous.
I swallowed hard as the image of a naked Blake popped into my head. My lower stomach pulled with desire.
What in the hell! Oh my gosh! Morgan!
The urge to throw my phone and squeeze my eyes shut hit me like a brick wall. I had never thought of Blake like that. Ever!
Okay, that was a lie. Blake was hot, and I had more than once let my eyes wander over his body while trying not to let Kaelynn or Nash or any of our other friends see me doing it. When I met Blake in college, I thought he was cute—very cute—but I was already with Mike. And besides, Blake hadn’t ever really seemed to think twice about me as anything other than Nash’s little sister. When he moved back to Austin, I had to admit, it was hard not to want a handsome guy like that to pay attention to me. I clearly wasn’t his type, though, because he never so much as flirted with me.
“Hello? Morgan, are you okay?”